Alright people… I know…I need to update everyone on my crazy ever changing life! So here it is… first things first… I'm getting….MARRIED!!! I've often wondered if this day would ever come… so here I am 29 years old… engaged to the most amazing man! If you want to find out how all the engagement stuff happened go to this website: http://www.theknot.com/wedding/Nick-and-Kendra …Okay so back to the update… well I am moving… BIG SHOCKER RIGHT?! I mean hello that should be my middle name Kendra Moving Cable. I feel like I am always moving… I've started to wonder if I am a gypsy at heart… Here is the story…
So Nick and I are pretty set on living in the same city/area before we get married…well we have prayed separate and alone many times about where we were going to end up…would he come here…would I go there?… Well each time I have prayed, visited him…or each time he has came here… I just have always felt as if I should be there. I knew that leaving my job… would be hard… I mean I just started there 4 months ago… I LOVE my job…I LOVE my clients…I LOVE my co-workers but…I LOVE Nick more… So I started sending out resumes to places out in Ohio… BUT I didn't just send them anywhere… I was very specific… I sent them places that I could still do ABA Therapy at. I started sending resumes in the beginning of February…I only sent three. A couple of days later a company by the name of The Learning Spectrum emailed and told me that they didn't have any openings and asked if I wanted them to keep my resume on file…of course I said yes….hold up… I need to back up a little in this story…
OKAY SO I HAVE TO CONFESS… For a long long long while… I wasn't totally on board with moving… actually I was a little uneasy and very doubtful for my own reasons… well the weekend of February 14th I went out to visit Nick…It was honestly the most amazing/peaceful weekends I have ever spent with him. I had no doubt, no fears and no worries. I fully told God…"okay, I will move here." Well… on February 19th a received an email from that same company saying they weren't hiring…and they told me that they would like to interview because they have a position open. Seriously… the same week that I say okay God I give up… They emailed!
I had my first (phone) interview with this company on February 21st. The interview was great and I got recommend for a second interview with the director. The wait to find out when this interview would be was horrible! But I had my second phone interview on February 27th..and they hired me over the phone! Here are the GOD things:
-The fact that I got a job in the field that I desired.
-They offered me the pay that I needed.
-Nick has a crazy schedule at work 1-10 every day but Friday and Sunday… well my hours are M-TH 9-3:30 and on Friday 9-12:30…so we can spend Friday together!
-A friend Sheila (from Columbus) texted me the day of my first interview and told me that if I ever needed a place to move before the wedding I could help her rent her house!
-The place I will be working has three locations…the location that they needed me at was a 45-50 min drive… I got an email asking me if they could change my location which is now 20-25 min away from where I will be living!
Seriously!!! If anything else amazing happens I don't know what I am going to do! As you can see God is so good! I just need to not be so hesitant…and allow him to bless me!
Oh and I move on Friday the 14th of March… 2 days away!!!
Love, Peace, Chicken Grease!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Thursday, May 16, 2013
WOMAN... You are blessed
Blessed abundantly was a phrase that I have heard so much as a little kid. I would never forget singing the song that says, "that life abundantly"...as I would turn and shake my butt because of course the song had motions. I also understand that what I described may seem strange to you if you have never heard the song... but for those of you who have...you understand. As a kid I loved this song... but I never really understood the words... I actually thought it was amazing that I got to shake my butt in church and no adult told me I was going to go to hell for shakin it fast. As I got older I started to understand that abundantly didn't mean if you got a butt ...shake it in church...instead I started to learn that abundantly was a blessing.. well and so is a booty to shake... Now that I am at the stage in my life that I am at abundantly has taken a whole new meaning...
I often look at my life and say, "self...you are one blessed woman..crazy to think that the Lord wants to give you more." I often wonder what I have done to deserve so many blessings in my life...and it all comes down to obedience...and yet again in my journey of life I share with you now...a testimony of obedience.
Many months ago I started feeling discouraged and really was at the point where I wanted to pull away from my ministry and everything it involved. Little did I know that in those moments of discouragement Jesus was working something out (isn't he always at work)...I continued to pray for guidance and direction.. knowing that my heart wasn't fully with one part of my job. For those of you who know me well..you will know that if my heart isn't fully in the ministry that I am involved in...I will choose to not be a part of a half heart job. As you can imagine this was very frustrating to me. See I was hired for my job to actually do two jobs...one was working with mommies and their babies...the other was to work with the maternity home. Well long story short... my heart was being pulled away from the mommies and their babies. Don't get me wrong...I love those girls and the little lives that they brought into this world...but I couldn't continue with them and feel that I was giving them the things that they needed. After a series of events my boss called me one day and asked me how I would feel about working full time in the maternity home. He had no idea that I had secretly been praying this that would happen. Now here I am as the Head Houseparent for the maternity home (The Royal Home)...I praise God for this blessing. Along with this blessing comes many more challenges but along the way the Lord is teaching me. At the age of 28 and with no husband I feel so inadequate to lead these girls but I push on.
I often look at my life and say, "self...you are one blessed woman..crazy to think that the Lord wants to give you more." I often wonder what I have done to deserve so many blessings in my life...and it all comes down to obedience...and yet again in my journey of life I share with you now...a testimony of obedience.
Many months ago I started feeling discouraged and really was at the point where I wanted to pull away from my ministry and everything it involved. Little did I know that in those moments of discouragement Jesus was working something out (isn't he always at work)...I continued to pray for guidance and direction.. knowing that my heart wasn't fully with one part of my job. For those of you who know me well..you will know that if my heart isn't fully in the ministry that I am involved in...I will choose to not be a part of a half heart job. As you can imagine this was very frustrating to me. See I was hired for my job to actually do two jobs...one was working with mommies and their babies...the other was to work with the maternity home. Well long story short... my heart was being pulled away from the mommies and their babies. Don't get me wrong...I love those girls and the little lives that they brought into this world...but I couldn't continue with them and feel that I was giving them the things that they needed. After a series of events my boss called me one day and asked me how I would feel about working full time in the maternity home. He had no idea that I had secretly been praying this that would happen. Now here I am as the Head Houseparent for the maternity home (The Royal Home)...I praise God for this blessing. Along with this blessing comes many more challenges but along the way the Lord is teaching me. At the age of 28 and with no husband I feel so inadequate to lead these girls but I push on.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A Little Lighter...
So many times I have heard the phrase, "you are what you eat" but I have never really truly understood what it really meant..until recently.
All of my life I have battled with being food healthy and in High School I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Those who have been told that they have this same thing will understand the difficulties of having it. The doctors continued to change my medications...which literally led to messy situations. They finally gave up and basically said, "we don't really know what is going on." Oh good I thought...this is what we pay you for?... So needless to say I learned to deal with the constant pain and for lack of better words...constipation. No joke...before going on trips my family would have to wait for me in the car for about 40 minutes so I could try to do my business. Many of my youth days...when our youth group would go on trips... I would find myself in a gas station bathroom...and the whole van load of crazy teens waiting on me. This became a way of life..and I tolerated it. I have tolerated it so much that about 2 years ago I started to develop a pain in my stomach. This pain continued to get worse... and it started to hurt when I would lay on my stomach. I continued to tell myself it was nothing until about a little over a month ago. I needed to move a microwave from one side of the kitchen...well when I went to lift it... I kneeled over in so much pain I could barely stand straight up. I finally decided that it was time to go to a doctor. Little did I know that I would soon find out I was allergic to food... literally! It was the end of the world as I sat in the doctors office as she named the food: corn, grains, rice, yeast, wheat, egg whites (moderately allergic. The next sentence was the worst... "I am putting you on the GAPS diet." Oh dear LORD... I thought... What is this crazy diet... I mean really The GAPS diet?... Well it was exactly what I didn't want to hear.. You can't have potatoes, bread, pasta, cookies, cake...HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE?!!! There goes my Little Debbies, pizza... SUSHI...SWEET SUSHI!!! I thought my life was over... but little did I know...my life had just began.
*Confession #1:... I am a survivor... of what you ask...well this little bit of information that I am about to give to you was something that took me days to mentally process...I honestly could not believe for one minute what the doctor said to me... You have parasites! EXCUSE ME... come again?! Listen to me... I am not a garden... gardens have parasites... I am a human being for goodness sakes! After I let the shock of this horrible news soak in my doctor gave me some stuff to kill the parasites. I am proud to announce that all of my parasites will be gone soon! And well yes... they are being passed through well... we don't need to go any further.
*Confession #2:...This confession is kind of an embarrassment to me because it is unbelievingly crazy how far I had really let myself go. All my life I feel like I have served others and I am grateful that God has allowed me to do this but in the long run... I have failed to take care of myself. I started coming to the realization that how can I fully care for someone when I can't totally care for myself. As of January 21, 2013 I weighed in at 205lbs. It startled me to see that number on the scale... I can't believe that I have allowed myself to get to that point. With discouragement comes encouragement and as of today February 12, 2013 I weigh 190 lbs. In less than a month I have dropped 15 lbs!
All of my life I have battled with being food healthy and in High School I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Those who have been told that they have this same thing will understand the difficulties of having it. The doctors continued to change my medications...which literally led to messy situations. They finally gave up and basically said, "we don't really know what is going on." Oh good I thought...this is what we pay you for?... So needless to say I learned to deal with the constant pain and for lack of better words...constipation. No joke...before going on trips my family would have to wait for me in the car for about 40 minutes so I could try to do my business. Many of my youth days...when our youth group would go on trips... I would find myself in a gas station bathroom...and the whole van load of crazy teens waiting on me. This became a way of life..and I tolerated it. I have tolerated it so much that about 2 years ago I started to develop a pain in my stomach. This pain continued to get worse... and it started to hurt when I would lay on my stomach. I continued to tell myself it was nothing until about a little over a month ago. I needed to move a microwave from one side of the kitchen...well when I went to lift it... I kneeled over in so much pain I could barely stand straight up. I finally decided that it was time to go to a doctor. Little did I know that I would soon find out I was allergic to food... literally! It was the end of the world as I sat in the doctors office as she named the food: corn, grains, rice, yeast, wheat, egg whites (moderately allergic. The next sentence was the worst... "I am putting you on the GAPS diet." Oh dear LORD... I thought... What is this crazy diet... I mean really The GAPS diet?... Well it was exactly what I didn't want to hear.. You can't have potatoes, bread, pasta, cookies, cake...HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE?!!! There goes my Little Debbies, pizza... SUSHI...SWEET SUSHI!!! I thought my life was over... but little did I know...my life had just began.
*Confession #1:... I am a survivor... of what you ask...well this little bit of information that I am about to give to you was something that took me days to mentally process...I honestly could not believe for one minute what the doctor said to me... You have parasites! EXCUSE ME... come again?! Listen to me... I am not a garden... gardens have parasites... I am a human being for goodness sakes! After I let the shock of this horrible news soak in my doctor gave me some stuff to kill the parasites. I am proud to announce that all of my parasites will be gone soon! And well yes... they are being passed through well... we don't need to go any further.
*Confession #2:...This confession is kind of an embarrassment to me because it is unbelievingly crazy how far I had really let myself go. All my life I feel like I have served others and I am grateful that God has allowed me to do this but in the long run... I have failed to take care of myself. I started coming to the realization that how can I fully care for someone when I can't totally care for myself. As of January 21, 2013 I weighed in at 205lbs. It startled me to see that number on the scale... I can't believe that I have allowed myself to get to that point. With discouragement comes encouragement and as of today February 12, 2013 I weigh 190 lbs. In less than a month I have dropped 15 lbs!
This goes on to say...as I was saying earlier you are what you eat. It was nothing for me to run to a local fast food joint to grab something quick for dinner. I was literally eating myself to death. My body has been made up of nothing but garbage. I am starting to feel whole...and the best part is that I have no more pain in my gut. I am starting to feel better about myself and about my life. I continue to pray that I can stay focused and be self disciplined!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Oh BABY!
The morning of October 6th was a looooong morning...One of my girls named Amanda woke me up at 3:30...I said a little prayer, "dear God please oh please don't let it be that her water broke." I was relieved when she told me that she was having contractions. I thought to myself...okay contractions I can handle this.. I was up with Amanda until about 7am...helping her breath through the pain...trying all different techniques of how to help her get through the pain. She finally fell asleep around 8am. I went back to bed myself...praying that she could hold off a couple more days until another houseparent was on duty. I knew in my mind that there would be no way that she could hold that baby in for two more days.
At around 10:30am I heard from my bedroom "MISS KENDRA!!!!!" Oh great I thought...here we go...baby on the way... sure enough her water had broke! She and I got everything together as fast as possible and jumped into the van. Living in the country I am learning that a country mile is way different than a city mile. It took us nearly 40 minutes to get to the hospital. I kept telling Amanda to breath...and she kept yelling, "those breathing techniques are so overrated!"
Everything seemed to go so fast once we got to the hospital. Amanda freaked out a little when she found out that she had to have a c-section...but she kept telling me not to leave her. My heart broke...I looked around...and thought... this girl has no one here...her father wasn't there...her mother wasn't there...the baby's dad wasn't there. I looked at her and said, "where am I going to go, I am here for you." I couldn't imagine being 17 and laying in a hospital bed...and the only person there to comfort her is someone who she had only known for a month. I never left her side... in fact they let me go back with her during the c-section.
I think that this is cool...you on the other hand...may not. At one point the doctor made an incision and blood splattered over the curtain...and well...got on my robe =)... The doctor then told me to look over the curtain... at that moment they were pulling baby from mommy... OH WOW OH WOW!!!! AMAZING!!! My whole world stopped in those moments. It was amazing! The doctor took my phone from me and went to take a video of baby Chloe. I wish I could share that video with you... but for security reasons I can't.
After all was said and done... In the recovery room Amanda looked at me and told me that I was like the big sister that she could never find. I thanked God that in the short month that I had been there...Amanda saw me like that. It was such a blessing for me to be a part of!
At around 10:30am I heard from my bedroom "MISS KENDRA!!!!!" Oh great I thought...here we go...baby on the way... sure enough her water had broke! She and I got everything together as fast as possible and jumped into the van. Living in the country I am learning that a country mile is way different than a city mile. It took us nearly 40 minutes to get to the hospital. I kept telling Amanda to breath...and she kept yelling, "those breathing techniques are so overrated!"
Everything seemed to go so fast once we got to the hospital. Amanda freaked out a little when she found out that she had to have a c-section...but she kept telling me not to leave her. My heart broke...I looked around...and thought... this girl has no one here...her father wasn't there...her mother wasn't there...the baby's dad wasn't there. I looked at her and said, "where am I going to go, I am here for you." I couldn't imagine being 17 and laying in a hospital bed...and the only person there to comfort her is someone who she had only known for a month. I never left her side... in fact they let me go back with her during the c-section.
I think that this is cool...you on the other hand...may not. At one point the doctor made an incision and blood splattered over the curtain...and well...got on my robe =)... The doctor then told me to look over the curtain... at that moment they were pulling baby from mommy... OH WOW OH WOW!!!! AMAZING!!! My whole world stopped in those moments. It was amazing! The doctor took my phone from me and went to take a video of baby Chloe. I wish I could share that video with you... but for security reasons I can't.
After all was said and done... In the recovery room Amanda looked at me and told me that I was like the big sister that she could never find. I thanked God that in the short month that I had been there...Amanda saw me like that. It was such a blessing for me to be a part of!
Right before the C-Section
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
...sex is okay...or so they say..
A teenage girl is looking for love. Her mother being a prostitute sells this child into the sex industry at the age of twelve. The young girl decides then and there that the love that she is going to find comes with a price. Morally, sex is okay right? I mean its what society wants. Sex sells...come on Britney Spears become a “slave for me”...Lady Gaga has been found in a “bad romance”...and Nicki Minaj well...she’s a “stupid hoe.” (all of these are titles of the singers song) This young girl starts to realize that yes sex is “famous” and will make me feel good...I mean it works for my mom right? This path that she strays down is one of darkness but is acceptable by society. It starts to make her feel wanted...like she is good enough for these men who do her by night and then leave her by day. Over and over again she asks herself “it works for my mom...why wouldn’t it work for me?” Each child is taught by their parent how to live and this is the way that she knew to live. We all know that we can trust our parents, right?
At the age of fourteen this young girl finds herself so engulfed with lust that she ends up at an orgy party...sex.....old men...young men...unrestrained sex...did I mention sex? This night was a night that hopefully would save her life. After that party and at the age of fourteen she found herself pregnant. She understood that in order for her to be healthy she had to eat... only there was one problem...her mom was starving her. Months went by and the girl had enough. Her battle with starvation ended when she made a phone call to the Department of Social Services (DSS). DSS took her out of the home and placed her into a Children’s Home. I will repeat my sentence from earlier...that night hopefully saved her life. Her baby is beautiful, safe and has more than what she needs. This young girls story is still being written.
So many times people like this, “sinners” as we would label them, walk into a church building and people stare, judge, whisper, shun them and don’t invite them in. They don’t give them food to eat, clothes to wear, an open arm or a heart of love. What will someone think if we are found talking to them and inviting them in. Heaven forbid they assume that we are “just like them” They are so sinful...I have a good idea...let’s cast the first stone. My intent of this is to not say that all Christians are like this. I know many that would love and care for this girl in a heartbeat. These people would clothe her, love her and give her more food than you could ever imagine. Then there are those who will lean over to their neighbor during church and whisper, “why is she here?” I sadly have heard this from someone before directed towards a local prostitute. We as Christians wonder why society views us as hypocritical, judgmental and at times un-compassionate. If we can’t accept these “types” of people into the church...then why are we here...what good are we...what is our purpose?
I am sure most of you are aware that Rahab was a prostitute however...are you aware that she was an ancestor of Jesus...the mother of Boaz a noble man (the husband of Ruth). What ever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40
I challenge you that the next time a “sinner” walks into the church that you offer a hand of grace, love and acceptance for the sin of another person may actually save your life.
At the age of fourteen this young girl finds herself so engulfed with lust that she ends up at an orgy party...sex.....old men...young men...unrestrained sex...did I mention sex? This night was a night that hopefully would save her life. After that party and at the age of fourteen she found herself pregnant. She understood that in order for her to be healthy she had to eat... only there was one problem...her mom was starving her. Months went by and the girl had enough. Her battle with starvation ended when she made a phone call to the Department of Social Services (DSS). DSS took her out of the home and placed her into a Children’s Home. I will repeat my sentence from earlier...that night hopefully saved her life. Her baby is beautiful, safe and has more than what she needs. This young girls story is still being written.
So many times people like this, “sinners” as we would label them, walk into a church building and people stare, judge, whisper, shun them and don’t invite them in. They don’t give them food to eat, clothes to wear, an open arm or a heart of love. What will someone think if we are found talking to them and inviting them in. Heaven forbid they assume that we are “just like them” They are so sinful...I have a good idea...let’s cast the first stone. My intent of this is to not say that all Christians are like this. I know many that would love and care for this girl in a heartbeat. These people would clothe her, love her and give her more food than you could ever imagine. Then there are those who will lean over to their neighbor during church and whisper, “why is she here?” I sadly have heard this from someone before directed towards a local prostitute. We as Christians wonder why society views us as hypocritical, judgmental and at times un-compassionate. If we can’t accept these “types” of people into the church...then why are we here...what good are we...what is our purpose?
I am sure most of you are aware that Rahab was a prostitute however...are you aware that she was an ancestor of Jesus...the mother of Boaz a noble man (the husband of Ruth). What ever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40
I challenge you that the next time a “sinner” walks into the church that you offer a hand of grace, love and acceptance for the sin of another person may actually save your life.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
...Like a Lion...
*When saying the word lion I am sure many things would pop into someones mind... Many would say a 4 legged animal that roams around in the jungle...with a big mane... lots of hair...scary...or even the King of the jungle. Some may even refer to the good classic Disney movie...The Lion King. As for me when I think about a lion...I think about the lions den... I have found myself many times this week being reminded of the lion in the lions den. Every time I read in the Bible about Daniel in the Lion's Den I stand amazed! These hungry, vicious, meat eating lions...were coming at Daniel...wanting to rip his skin apart...and shred him into little pieces... I stand amazed the the Lion's didn't touch him what so ever! He was protected...by the King...the King of the lions...
*I guess this leads me to this past week...many of you know that I started my new job...solely based on faith...This past week and this current week have been extremely exciting! I have honestly never in my life ever felt like God is going to use me the way that he is going to here. I say that because this is my one true passion...yes I enjoyed being a children's pastor and I know that God used me in many amazing ways...but when you are truly living your passion is when you feel most fulfilled! I found quickly at this job that the girls that I will be working with have horrible past lives...most of them are crying out for love. These girls have never felt "true love" ever in their lives...and they have never known positive attention. Another thing that I learned very quickly is that these girls are more crisis then what I expected them to be. I am absolutely not complaining because I feel as if God is going to be doing a great work amongst these girls.
*Last week I stayed at the Royal Home...this is a home that can hold up to 6 girls who are pregnant. Cynthia and Caesar are the lead house parents of this home and I will be working alongside them at this home and the Mothers and Babies cottage. They are wonderful people and we have really connected on a great level... I am very excited to be working with them. The other night the three of us were talking and Caesar said that it is so refreshing to have someone around that is their daughters age. Their daughters name is Janelle...she is 26 years old and she will be getting married in November. God is doing great things!
*Last night one of my girls was being pretty defiant. After I took care of the situation I was a little fired up...that she would be so defiant. The whole time before I talked to the girl I prayed that the Lord would give me the words to say...and I believed he did just what I asked. I went back to my room and thanked the Lord for giving me the words to say. After this situation had taken place I went up to do a room check and heard one of the other girls reading scripture from the bible. I was already reminded about why I do what I do. I also believe that the scripture that she read was also for me. This is what she was reading Psalm 7:2 "O Lord my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me, or they will tear me like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me." I was so amazed!!! God is so good... I have started to pray that before I get into any situation that the Lord will guide my words and shut my mouth like he did the lions in the den...or that he would shut the other persons mouth like the lions in the lions den...
Like a lion....the Lord is our King....
*I guess this leads me to this past week...many of you know that I started my new job...solely based on faith...This past week and this current week have been extremely exciting! I have honestly never in my life ever felt like God is going to use me the way that he is going to here. I say that because this is my one true passion...yes I enjoyed being a children's pastor and I know that God used me in many amazing ways...but when you are truly living your passion is when you feel most fulfilled! I found quickly at this job that the girls that I will be working with have horrible past lives...most of them are crying out for love. These girls have never felt "true love" ever in their lives...and they have never known positive attention. Another thing that I learned very quickly is that these girls are more crisis then what I expected them to be. I am absolutely not complaining because I feel as if God is going to be doing a great work amongst these girls.
*Last week I stayed at the Royal Home...this is a home that can hold up to 6 girls who are pregnant. Cynthia and Caesar are the lead house parents of this home and I will be working alongside them at this home and the Mothers and Babies cottage. They are wonderful people and we have really connected on a great level... I am very excited to be working with them. The other night the three of us were talking and Caesar said that it is so refreshing to have someone around that is their daughters age. Their daughters name is Janelle...she is 26 years old and she will be getting married in November. God is doing great things!
*Last night one of my girls was being pretty defiant. After I took care of the situation I was a little fired up...that she would be so defiant. The whole time before I talked to the girl I prayed that the Lord would give me the words to say...and I believed he did just what I asked. I went back to my room and thanked the Lord for giving me the words to say. After this situation had taken place I went up to do a room check and heard one of the other girls reading scripture from the bible. I was already reminded about why I do what I do. I also believe that the scripture that she read was also for me. This is what she was reading Psalm 7:2 "O Lord my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me, or they will tear me like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me." I was so amazed!!! God is so good... I have started to pray that before I get into any situation that the Lord will guide my words and shut my mouth like he did the lions in the den...or that he would shut the other persons mouth like the lions in the lions den...
Like a lion....the Lord is our King....
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Stripped...
Stripped... something that is related to removal of coverings or depriving of.. meet Kendra... She is a crazy girl...who lives life on the edge... on the wild side of faith... Now I have officially met stripped...How does it feel you ask?...it feels bare... it feels naked... like I am walking around this world with no clothes on... with this being said...we all know that feeling naked...is so freeing...a feeling of not being in bondage...being able to ya know...let it all hang out! Not that I am running around naked or anything...you are welcome that I am not. At the same time my life is being stripped of so much... well...stuff! Here is the stuff:
*Stuff-things that I can't take with me to Heaven anyway... all my furnishings...washer/dryer...my own bed...my own apartment... my own dresser... stuff... All my stuff that I am taking with me to NC was shoved into the back of my 2007 Dodge Caliber...the rest of my "stuff" is in a 5x5 storage unit in Indianapolis... I had to get rid of 20 pairs of shoes...(probably the hardest thing for me)...6 purses...multiple shirts and over 15 pairs of jeans...Basically because I needed to fit everything in my car. The place that I will be working supplies everything else for me...
*Friends- Not that my friends are going away...but I am leaving them behind in a different state...even though I take each one of them with me...their physical bodies are not with me... No more Sunday night/Wednesday night...game nights...raise havoc and laugh until our faces are numb...at Doug and Mo's... No more weekends of chaos with Nathan, Arlie, Kelsey, Derek and Eryn...or anyone else that we pick up in random places...
*Pastor-I'm not a pastor anymore in the church... something that I am so used to doing... something I am comfortable doing...
*Nazarene-I'm not in the Nazarene church anymore...something that I have always been a part of...my whole life that is what I have known...the Nazarene church...while yes...I still fully support it...and am still ordained in the Nazarene Church I will not be worshipping on a regular basis in the Nazarene church...
*Family-Being so close to my family...was a blessing...this isn't the case anymore... I am now 12 hrs away from my mom...Kim, Jason and the kids... From Britt and Al I am still 12 hrs away...
The adventure...kinda began Wednesday September 5th at 10:30pm... I had my car loaded...my 2007 Dodge Caliber... not a big car...a large SUV or a truck... so yes... all of my stuff that I was taking fit in one car. This is crazy to me considering the fact that I used to live in a 1100 sq. foot apartment that had two full bathrooms... my life...and my belongs have been stripped down to a car load. While yes I do have a 5x5 storage unit back in Indy... it's still only a 5x5... pretty much...open a closet in your house...and imagine all of your stuff fitting into that one closet... a 5x5 storage unit doesn't hold much stuff. I never really thought that I was a girl who liked "stuff"... I started to think different when I looked at my empty apartment...got rid of clothes...shoes...purses... but then I was reminded of a story in the bible. Matthew 19 starting at 16... the Lord was talking to a man who was rich...and this man was trying to figure out how to get eternal life.. the Lord told him "“If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” (21) Of corse this man was rich...and I am not...but I was taken care of and I have more then what I really need. This is the path that God has for my life...so I follow...
The night of September 5th I drove about 4 hours and then had to stop and sleep for a little bit...mom and I set out again at 10:30am the next day... I drove the rest of the 7hrs...and arrived at The Royal Home at 7:30pm September 6th. My mom and I unpacked my car and put my stuff in my room. When we arrived we met Caesar and Cynthia...this couple are the head house parents of the Royal Home.. I also met a couple of the girls. Once mom and I had my stuff out of my car...we headed for the beach!
Many have asked me how I am feeling... here is the best way to describe it:
I am feeling overwhelmed...overwhelmed that the Lord would lead me to this place in my life...nervous..because of the unknown...excited because of the new people that I will meet...overjoyed that God is going to use me...I know he is because it is a promise...
On a deeper note... I am proud of myself for doing this without Dad physically being here... he was the man with the master plan...he would have helped me move everything out of my apt...he would have driven all the way down here...and he would have been one of my strongest supports. Mom and I did it through the strength of the Lord... I thank her for sticking beside me...and filling in the gap. I am also grateful for a friend of my mom's who supplied us with a truck and a trailer...
I don't write this blog for any other reason but to share my journey with all of you... I don't want attention...praise or credit... I hope that all will see that living by faith is the only true way to live... living fearlessly knowing that the Lord...gives..and takes away...
So really...being stripped of everything.. is the best way to live... Dad used to always say to me, "Kendra, living by faith isn't always the easiest way to live..but it is the best way to live." I would agree dad...
*Stuff-things that I can't take with me to Heaven anyway... all my furnishings...washer/dryer...my own bed...my own apartment... my own dresser... stuff... All my stuff that I am taking with me to NC was shoved into the back of my 2007 Dodge Caliber...the rest of my "stuff" is in a 5x5 storage unit in Indianapolis... I had to get rid of 20 pairs of shoes...(probably the hardest thing for me)...6 purses...multiple shirts and over 15 pairs of jeans...Basically because I needed to fit everything in my car. The place that I will be working supplies everything else for me...
*Friends- Not that my friends are going away...but I am leaving them behind in a different state...even though I take each one of them with me...their physical bodies are not with me... No more Sunday night/Wednesday night...game nights...raise havoc and laugh until our faces are numb...at Doug and Mo's... No more weekends of chaos with Nathan, Arlie, Kelsey, Derek and Eryn...or anyone else that we pick up in random places...
*Pastor-I'm not a pastor anymore in the church... something that I am so used to doing... something I am comfortable doing...
*Nazarene-I'm not in the Nazarene church anymore...something that I have always been a part of...my whole life that is what I have known...the Nazarene church...while yes...I still fully support it...and am still ordained in the Nazarene Church I will not be worshipping on a regular basis in the Nazarene church...
*Family-Being so close to my family...was a blessing...this isn't the case anymore... I am now 12 hrs away from my mom...Kim, Jason and the kids... From Britt and Al I am still 12 hrs away...
The adventure...kinda began Wednesday September 5th at 10:30pm... I had my car loaded...my 2007 Dodge Caliber... not a big car...a large SUV or a truck... so yes... all of my stuff that I was taking fit in one car. This is crazy to me considering the fact that I used to live in a 1100 sq. foot apartment that had two full bathrooms... my life...and my belongs have been stripped down to a car load. While yes I do have a 5x5 storage unit back in Indy... it's still only a 5x5... pretty much...open a closet in your house...and imagine all of your stuff fitting into that one closet... a 5x5 storage unit doesn't hold much stuff. I never really thought that I was a girl who liked "stuff"... I started to think different when I looked at my empty apartment...got rid of clothes...shoes...purses... but then I was reminded of a story in the bible. Matthew 19 starting at 16... the Lord was talking to a man who was rich...and this man was trying to figure out how to get eternal life.. the Lord told him "“If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” (21) Of corse this man was rich...and I am not...but I was taken care of and I have more then what I really need. This is the path that God has for my life...so I follow...
The night of September 5th I drove about 4 hours and then had to stop and sleep for a little bit...mom and I set out again at 10:30am the next day... I drove the rest of the 7hrs...and arrived at The Royal Home at 7:30pm September 6th. My mom and I unpacked my car and put my stuff in my room. When we arrived we met Caesar and Cynthia...this couple are the head house parents of the Royal Home.. I also met a couple of the girls. Once mom and I had my stuff out of my car...we headed for the beach!
Many have asked me how I am feeling... here is the best way to describe it:
I am feeling overwhelmed...overwhelmed that the Lord would lead me to this place in my life...nervous..because of the unknown...excited because of the new people that I will meet...overjoyed that God is going to use me...I know he is because it is a promise...
On a deeper note... I am proud of myself for doing this without Dad physically being here... he was the man with the master plan...he would have helped me move everything out of my apt...he would have driven all the way down here...and he would have been one of my strongest supports. Mom and I did it through the strength of the Lord... I thank her for sticking beside me...and filling in the gap. I am also grateful for a friend of my mom's who supplied us with a truck and a trailer...
I don't write this blog for any other reason but to share my journey with all of you... I don't want attention...praise or credit... I hope that all will see that living by faith is the only true way to live... living fearlessly knowing that the Lord...gives..and takes away...
So really...being stripped of everything.. is the best way to live... Dad used to always say to me, "Kendra, living by faith isn't always the easiest way to live..but it is the best way to live." I would agree dad...
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Coincidence?...Nope just Faith...
This is my God and this is the way he works.
I wanted to share a little God moment that I had sometime last week. I went to the store last week and bought some totes and got some boxes. Once I arrived to my apartment I noticed that the lady who lives below me and the lady who lives across from her were outside with their little boys. I was unpacking my car and taking my boxes up to my apartment. One of them asked if I was moving and if so where. I told them that I was moving to North Carolina. The other lady said, "that is where I just moved from." She then asked me what part I am moving to. I told her, "Falcon" and in a voice as of she would have no clue where it was at. She then proceeded to tell me that she just moved from Falcon. I was so shocked...and for a moment I thought, wow what a coincidence. She asked me what I would be doing there and I told her that I would be working at the Falcon Children's Home. Once I said that she said, "no way... I used to volunteer there." Seriously...that was not a coincidence. She and I were able to talk a little bit about the facility and the staff. It made me feel a little more at peace with everything. I just love how my God works. In the midst of all the craziness I am happy that I can still see the work of the Lord.
Mom and I will be leaving from Indianapolis on the 6th of September to head to NC. We will move all of my stuff in on the 7th and then head to the beach until the 9th. I will start the next chapter of my life on the 10th. Praying that God will continue to equip me for the journey ahead. I feel so inadequate.
I wanted to share a little God moment that I had sometime last week. I went to the store last week and bought some totes and got some boxes. Once I arrived to my apartment I noticed that the lady who lives below me and the lady who lives across from her were outside with their little boys. I was unpacking my car and taking my boxes up to my apartment. One of them asked if I was moving and if so where. I told them that I was moving to North Carolina. The other lady said, "that is where I just moved from." She then asked me what part I am moving to. I told her, "Falcon" and in a voice as of she would have no clue where it was at. She then proceeded to tell me that she just moved from Falcon. I was so shocked...and for a moment I thought, wow what a coincidence. She asked me what I would be doing there and I told her that I would be working at the Falcon Children's Home. Once I said that she said, "no way... I used to volunteer there." Seriously...that was not a coincidence. She and I were able to talk a little bit about the facility and the staff. It made me feel a little more at peace with everything. I just love how my God works. In the midst of all the craziness I am happy that I can still see the work of the Lord.
Mom and I will be leaving from Indianapolis on the 6th of September to head to NC. We will move all of my stuff in on the 7th and then head to the beach until the 9th. I will start the next chapter of my life on the 10th. Praying that God will continue to equip me for the journey ahead. I feel so inadequate.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Packing Boxes!
This blog isn't an easy blog for me to write. I am in an overwhelming place in my life but I thought that this would be the best way to explain to all of you the exciting things that are taking place. I am going to be very transparent in this post and I hope all of you will be able to hear my heart.
Back in February I felt as if the Lord was disconnecting me from people in my life...at the church...and disconnecting me from my job. I have had this feeling before in my life...when I was moving from home and when I was moving from Ohio. A part of me knew that a new place and a new chapter was coming. I didn't really want that to be it though...I didn't want the Lord to take me away from people that I love and a job that I enjoyed so much. I will admit I was resistant...okay very resistant. I began to pray about the journey and where the Lord was leading me. I never want to be out of his grip...and I thought maybe I was just in a funk...going through the motions...getting into a routine. God continued to pull me. After much prayer and conversations with my family...and through a series of events I decided to send an email to a Children's Home in North Carolina (just asking about information on job possibilities). This was near the middle of June. I never heard back from them and so I told the Lord that I was closing the door and if he desired he could open it again. July 1st missionary speakers came and spoke at church about stepping out on faith...when God tells you to go. During that night I felt so confirmed in my spirit that God was calling me away. The week of July 23rd I got an email from my sister saying that the home in North Carolina was hiring single females. This time I actually had a number to call instead of an email address. I called the home and on July 31st I had one of the most peaceful conversations. I knew in my spirit that I was going to be going to that home. I sent in my application and on August 7th I had another extremely peaceful conversation with another person from the home. That night he offered me the job over the phone. I was extremely overwhelmed! I took a couple of days to pray about everything...even though I already knew that God was calling me and leading me. On Friday August 10th I was planning on calling them to let them know that I would take the job...sight unseen. With the guidance of my mom...she told me that I needed to call my landlord to see how much it would be to get out of my lease. My landlord told me...$6,000 because I had re-signed in June. She was very firm on this and told me that she wouldn't except monthly payments but that I needed to have it all up front. I called North Carolina to inform them of everything. We then took the weekend to pray about everything and I called them back on Monday. They told me that they would be able to type up a certified letter stating that they would send in a monthly payment. I called my Landlord and she said that she would have to think about it and get back to me tomorrow (Tuesday August 14th). We talked on the 14th and she told me that she would except the letter...just another confirmation. I went to my pastor that day and resigned my position. God is so faithful and I wish that I had the time to share all the confirmations that this is what the Lord has for me.
So what am I going to be doing?:
I will be working with the Falcon Children's Home and the Royal Home. The Falcon Children's Home is for teenagers in crisis situations. The Royal Home is for teenagers/young women who are pregnant or who have just recently given birth and in crisis situations. I will be a houseparent...teaching them basic life skills...while ministering to them that Jesus is the only true way...building relationships and loving them in spite of their past.
The work of the Lord:
8 Years ago while I was attending Olivet the Lord told me that I would be working with teens in crisis situations. I never knew how...or when the Lord would work this out... I just knew he would! For the last 8 years I have prayed that the Lord would open up doors of opportunities. The doors that he has opened for me to work with children/teens has been amazing...and he continued to open doors for me to be a children's pastor. I never thought that when he opened the door for me to work with teens in crisis situations that I would be at a church that I love so much...and surrounded by so many AMAZING people! His ways are better then my own. I also never knew that the doors would open so easily... I am stepping out on faith and doing one of the scariest things that I have ever done. I am moving 11 hrs away from home...selling all of my stuff and going to a place sight unseen... I have never been there...I have no idea what I am getting myself into. The only thing that I do know is that God has gone before me...and I have to trust that he knows what he is doing!
It is bittersweet...because of how many amazing relationships that I have here...but I know that God is guiding my every steps.
I would appreciate all of the prayers that I can get... I am truly stepping out into the unknown. If you have more questions...just ask! Look for updates in the future!
To find out more please visit www.falconchildrenshome.com
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
A Letter to Pops...
Today... I am compelled to blog about one of the greatest men that walked this Earth. Next to my Lord and Savior... My dad...AKA my "Pops"
A letter to Pops...
Hey Pops... you need to know that so much has happened this past year in my life...without you physically but I know you have been with me...because I carry a piece of you where ever I go. I am learning to overcome my own selfishness... I am learning to not call you first for some things in life...instead go to my heavenly father... I have learned what grieving really means. I am learning that you and mom both raised me to be a strong person...and to show my weaknesses. Some nights are harder then others...and it is still so hard for me to believe that you are gone. There are days where I miss your laugh, your hugs, your voice and our chats...always ending in "I Love You." I got through my first ever leading of VBS...and directing our district Kids Camp...without talking to you about how it went. Now dad... I am coming up on my credentials interview for ordination. I am a little nervous but it hurts to know that I can't talk to you about it. If they approve me for ordination...your buddy...J.K Warrick will be ordaining me. I am so blessed by this...because of who he was in your life... crazy to think that he dedicated me...and now he will be the one to ordain me. God is taking care of me dad... providing my every need and giving me my hearts desires. Remember Evie...of course you do...I went out with her grandson 3 months ago...and we have been talking ever since... God is leading...and directing. Crazy where life brings you. In 8 days we will be celebrating your life...I am trying to stay positive in this... but I am not going to lie...it hurts...it stings and frankly I am still not okay with you not being here!
I still love you dad...
While I was typing this letter to you...this song by David Crowder came on Pandora... Like I said...God is taking care of me:
A letter to Pops...
Hey Pops... you need to know that so much has happened this past year in my life...without you physically but I know you have been with me...because I carry a piece of you where ever I go. I am learning to overcome my own selfishness... I am learning to not call you first for some things in life...instead go to my heavenly father... I have learned what grieving really means. I am learning that you and mom both raised me to be a strong person...and to show my weaknesses. Some nights are harder then others...and it is still so hard for me to believe that you are gone. There are days where I miss your laugh, your hugs, your voice and our chats...always ending in "I Love You." I got through my first ever leading of VBS...and directing our district Kids Camp...without talking to you about how it went. Now dad... I am coming up on my credentials interview for ordination. I am a little nervous but it hurts to know that I can't talk to you about it. If they approve me for ordination...your buddy...J.K Warrick will be ordaining me. I am so blessed by this...because of who he was in your life... crazy to think that he dedicated me...and now he will be the one to ordain me. God is taking care of me dad... providing my every need and giving me my hearts desires. Remember Evie...of course you do...I went out with her grandson 3 months ago...and we have been talking ever since... God is leading...and directing. Crazy where life brings you. In 8 days we will be celebrating your life...I am trying to stay positive in this... but I am not going to lie...it hurts...it stings and frankly I am still not okay with you not being here!
I still love you dad...
While I was typing this letter to you...this song by David Crowder came on Pandora... Like I said...God is taking care of me:
Deliver Me
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through
Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing
Oh, deliver me
Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through
Monday, March 5, 2012
Analyze This!
If you know me well...you know that I over analyze EVERYTHING! Being a girl plays into this whole over analytical mindset...now just add my crazy brain into the mix and you get an over analytical crazy girl who thinks to much about thinking...Yes I did just got back and read this whole run on sentence more than once. Some examples of my over analytical mind would include: Every time I leave a message for someone on their voicemail...if they have an option for me to review the voicemail...I have to review it every time. If my voice is off or I say something stupid I have to re-record it. Another example is this...the other day I was at a Children's Leadership Retreat when I noticed this lady looking at me...I tried not to make eye contact...oops she got my attention...she asked me what church I went to and then she said sorry if you saw me looking at you...I was just admiring how pretty you are. Awkwardly I said thank you. OK hold the phone...it is not everyday that someone stops me and says that...and in my mind I thought why were you not a tall, dark and handsome man...that was my age and wanted a girl like me...=)...okay then after that thought went through my mind...I walked into the bathroom and looked at my face...as if I didn't over analyze that face 5 times that morning I had to look for the 6th time...I then walked out of the bathroom and thought I bet she thinks that I am not pretty and she felt bad for me so to boost my self esteem that maybe she thought I didn't have she told me I was pretty...WOW really Kendra I thought...you are way to over analytical and something needs to change. I analyze my life way too much and at times go into spazz mode...thinking okay if this happens in my life then I do this...or here is another option and so on.
Last night God hit me dead in those over analytical steps... I was reading me devotional when these words jumped out at me... "Remember to love me. When I am your top priority, everything else in your life will fall into place. When you love me, your mind will be focused on what really matters. You are always at the forefront of my mind. Let me be the forefront of yours." WOW!!! I have to admit when I am over analyzing my life...how in the world can God be at the forefront of my mind?...
Today I am learning to be an unanalytical thinker...I no longer want to be an over analytical spazz of a girl who even drives herself totally crazy!
Last night God hit me dead in those over analytical steps... I was reading me devotional when these words jumped out at me... "Remember to love me. When I am your top priority, everything else in your life will fall into place. When you love me, your mind will be focused on what really matters. You are always at the forefront of my mind. Let me be the forefront of yours." WOW!!! I have to admit when I am over analyzing my life...how in the world can God be at the forefront of my mind?...
Today I am learning to be an unanalytical thinker...I no longer want to be an over analytical spazz of a girl who even drives herself totally crazy!
Monday, February 27, 2012
You deserve it!...
Today I was messaging a friend through facebook and in that message they had said, "you so deserve it...with all your faithfulness." This got me thinking...which is kind of a scary thing for me to do...ya know think... my mind wonders and I become analytical. Anyway... so I started thinking about what deserve really means. I know that I have used this word more than once in my life... "Kendra, you have eaten so well today...one brownie won't hurt...you deserve it." "Ugh, I am so mad at them...they deserve to not be happy." Okay that last one was a little harsh...but let's be real... I have said that in the past before...and I am sure you have too =). Let's think about this one though... because of MY faithfulness I deserve all of the greatest things in life... sound selfish?... Now the friend that I was talking to today is a great friend... from the past... she is one that I feel like if we got together we would pick up right where we left off. She has seen me at some of my worse times in life...and I have so many memories that I have shared with her! I am not discrediting what she said to me... I am actually happy that she said it to me. I am grateful that she can see that I have lived by faith for so many years...even when things were so very hard...my faith is what has gotten me through. I simply told her thank you. It left me wondering though...should we really be rewarded for our faithfulness?... For me in my life...being faithful is just something that I do... I have always done it...and it has become my way of life. Should I be blessed for it?... For me...no I don't think that I should. But that is God...he blesses us...because of our faithfulness...in spite of our mistakes...our "failures" and our flaws...he blesses us because he is love... Do I deserve to be happy in life... No...probably not...but because of God I am happy... Are you happy?...You do deserve is love...everyone is qualified for greatness!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
READY...SET...WAIT!
Say hello to a choco-halic and while you are at it...hand them a 10 pound chocolate bar...then tell them that they have to wait to eat it...torture! Make brownies...and pull them out only after 10 minutes of baking....and try to cut them up and eat them. You can't they aren't done...
Lately... I have been trying to find the joy in waiting...and let's just say... I am having a hard time finding it. Hey I am human and waiting is no fun...and let's just face it...no body is excited to wait. No one wakes up in the morning looking forward to waiting in traffic..waiting in line...or waiting on the phone.
God is bringing me through another chapter in my life of waiting, trusting and really holding onto the promises that he has given me. I know that God will provide and I believe that he has heard and is hearing my prayers. So I WILL find joy in the waiting! Lord you know the time...you know the need...so I put my trust...and belief in you! Renew my strength during the waiting period!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Baby Got Bible...
I wanted to finish what I started a couple of blogs ago when I mentioned resolutions. Most of my resolutions that I have made in the past have gone bad. One year I made a resolution to never eat again...fail...another, I was going to work out everyday until I felt like I was going to die...fail but this year... I have high hopes! I have a couple of resolutions this year...one being to grow deeper in the wisdom and knowledge of Jesus Christ and another is to become financially wise. Watch out world I am about to become the smartest person you know...I'm going to be brilliant...and have a lifetime if knowledge!
So as I started out into the beginning of January I was pumped to gain Jesus knowledge. I knew that the main step to gaining this knowledge was to read my bible... A LOT! My knowledge bubble was busted when I woke up one day and couldn't find my Bible ANYWHERE!!! I searched and searched and searched! As I looked at all of my book shelves I noticed that I have at least 5 Bibles... but no bible would do...besides my Bible! Now I want you to imagine your most AMAZING pair of jeans... you probably have 30 some pairs of jeans in your closet but you choose to where the ones that you love the most...they are probably wearing thin and may even have a couple of rips in them...but yet you continue to wear them... This is how my Bible is. Here is the best description of my Bible. My older sister Kim got me this bible in 2000 for my birthday I was 15 years old...so this bible is WORN out...My name is engraved on it in gold Kendra Leigh Cable and is brown leather, the cover is ripping, the leather is pealing off, pages are folded and written on, scriptures are highlighted and underlined and recently I had to tape some pages in because they were falling out. So no...not ANY Bible would do. I have been worried because I thought maybe I had left my Bible in Florida...looks like I would be making a trip back to go get it...=)...but really I thought that it was there...hanging out in my bedroom that I had for the week...I texted my mom this morning asking her for the number of the owners so that my Bible could be found and in my hands again. I decided that before I called them I would look one last place...it was a place that I had looked before...my car...but earlier I had failed to look in a bag that was in my car. I opened that bag slowly and my Bible sang to me..."Hello Bible... you are found... COME TO MOMMA!!!!" (I may or may not have really said those words.) I am not going to lie...a tear developed in my eye...
This whole tragedy of me losing my Bible got me thinking...if I was so upset about losing my Bible... I couldn't imagine how upset I would be if I truly lost my relationship with Jesus Christ. I started to question...why was I so upset about losing my Bible...if the most important thing is my relationship with Him and not how much I know?...now I know that living and reading the word go hand in hand with the relationship...but I think for one of the first times ever I started to really connect the two. How do we find out about Jesus Christ and His love?...Sure we can go to Him in prayer but what we need to know about Him and his life is in the Bible. In order to really build a relationship with someone you have to get to know them...by them telling you about their self.
It take me to this...how do we know that the Bible is true? Can the Bible be infallible if it is written but fallible humans? l Recently this question was raised to me by a good friend of mine. In my research I found this:
So as I started out into the beginning of January I was pumped to gain Jesus knowledge. I knew that the main step to gaining this knowledge was to read my bible... A LOT! My knowledge bubble was busted when I woke up one day and couldn't find my Bible ANYWHERE!!! I searched and searched and searched! As I looked at all of my book shelves I noticed that I have at least 5 Bibles... but no bible would do...besides my Bible! Now I want you to imagine your most AMAZING pair of jeans... you probably have 30 some pairs of jeans in your closet but you choose to where the ones that you love the most...they are probably wearing thin and may even have a couple of rips in them...but yet you continue to wear them... This is how my Bible is. Here is the best description of my Bible. My older sister Kim got me this bible in 2000 for my birthday I was 15 years old...so this bible is WORN out...My name is engraved on it in gold Kendra Leigh Cable and is brown leather, the cover is ripping, the leather is pealing off, pages are folded and written on, scriptures are highlighted and underlined and recently I had to tape some pages in because they were falling out. So no...not ANY Bible would do. I have been worried because I thought maybe I had left my Bible in Florida...looks like I would be making a trip back to go get it...=)...but really I thought that it was there...hanging out in my bedroom that I had for the week...I texted my mom this morning asking her for the number of the owners so that my Bible could be found and in my hands again. I decided that before I called them I would look one last place...it was a place that I had looked before...my car...but earlier I had failed to look in a bag that was in my car. I opened that bag slowly and my Bible sang to me..."Hello Bible... you are found... COME TO MOMMA!!!!" (I may or may not have really said those words.) I am not going to lie...a tear developed in my eye...
This whole tragedy of me losing my Bible got me thinking...if I was so upset about losing my Bible... I couldn't imagine how upset I would be if I truly lost my relationship with Jesus Christ. I started to question...why was I so upset about losing my Bible...if the most important thing is my relationship with Him and not how much I know?...now I know that living and reading the word go hand in hand with the relationship...but I think for one of the first times ever I started to really connect the two. How do we find out about Jesus Christ and His love?...Sure we can go to Him in prayer but what we need to know about Him and his life is in the Bible. In order to really build a relationship with someone you have to get to know them...by them telling you about their self.
It take me to this...how do we know that the Bible is true? Can the Bible be infallible if it is written but fallible humans? l Recently this question was raised to me by a good friend of mine. In my research I found this:
There is no logical reason why this could not be true. After all, even fallible humans can get things right some of the time, especially if they are supervised by Someone who is infallible.
Christians do not claim that the humans who penned the books of the Bible were always accurate in everything they said or did. We simply believe that the Bible is right when it claims that God guided these men in their task of writing scripture, in such a way that the result is an infallible book. The apostle Peter undoubtedly said some foolish things during his lifetime, but God did not allow him to clutter up the Bible with any of those blunders.
2 Timothy 3:16 Contains the classic claim that the Bible was produced by God, not just men:
All scripture is inspired by God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.
One standard explanation of the concept of “inspiration” is given by Ryrie:
God's superintendence of the human authors so that, using their own individual personalities, they composed and recorded without error His revelation to man in the words of the original autographs [Charles Ryrie, A Survey of Bible Doctrine (Chicago: Moody Press, 1972), p. 38].
We do not know exactly how God accomplished His purpose of providing a totally accurate Bible. But 2 Peter 1:21 gives some insight:
No prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.
The word “moved” in this verse is also used in Acts 27:15 to describe the way a great storm blew the apostle Paul's ship off course across the Mediterranean. The people on board could spend the time as they chose (either bailing or wailing!), but the storm determined their destination of Malta. Similarly, God guided the writers of scripture to produce exactly the message He wanted.
Thought this was interesting...please add your thoughts.
Me...
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
That is NOT Fair!
For you to fully understand this blog...you should scroll down and read the ones titled "It Burned" and "I Don't Remember You." I want to make one thing clear about these blogs... of my "raw" emotions... I don't write these to the blogger/internet world because I want pity...I write them because I want to open doors to those who are, have or will deal with death/grief. It is a process and you do not get better over night...and everyone grieves differently which I will touch more on later....So on to August.
-August...My I get to be one year older month...yahoo...notice the sarcasm. In 2010 on the day of my birth I was away from my father as it fell on a Sunday...my dad taught Sunday School and had a small group that night that he was the leader of. So we were apart. Dad wasn't much for birthday's and to be honest with you...neither am I. August 8, 2010 was a day that I won't forget because my dad sent me the best email ever...
Hey youngest daughter of mine, Love you with all my heart.
*One thing I do want to hit on is if you notice in the email he mentioned a boy named Robert Paul. My mother lost a little boy in utero at 7 months...
August 8, 2011 rolled around and this is the email that I read that day... I am not going to lie... I went to my inbox and pretended like he had just sent me the email that day. In those quiet, still moments...I realized I am never going to receive another email from him again. I had to face the reality...that he was gone...and so were his emails.
-September...You were a somber...sad month...I wanted to feel happy... but something inside of me couldn't...I tried to find joy but it was hidden...hidden in a sea of tears...a sea of loneliness and a sea of un-forgiveness. I tried to be happy for Derek and Eryns wedding that was approaching next month...I tried to be excited for a new ministry that was starting up for the kids...I tried to be happy that a retreat with some great ladies was approaching...but I was stuck...in sorrow...in pain...in grief. You were also a month of Robert Paul's birthday...a brother I never met. This year you turned I believe 31... On your birthday I imagined dad and you in Heaven celebrating together...for the first time ever! A part of me was a little jealous that you got to celebrate your day with him...but to be honest with you when I got rid of my selfishness...a light shined through...I had 26 birthday's with my dad...you had none...and here you are after 30 some years FINALLY celebrating your day! I hope you loved it!
-October...You were busy...busy is good. You helped me keep my mind off of November and December as both of these months will hold a lot of firsts. I guess you could say that the emotion that I felt during the month of October was anticipation and eagerness... I was eager to get through the next 2 months! October there really isn't much to say about you...
-November...the month my father celebrated another year of life...also Turkey Day month. Like I said before dad wasn't really much for birthdays...but not being able to text him/call him and tell him happy birthday and that I am so happy that I got to have another year with him was not okay with me. If I would have known this...I would have hugged you more on your birthday last year. I would have told you a thousand times that I loved you...and that you were the best dad ever! Thanksgiving was even worse...you not there...was not fair! This month I felt so weak...about to break...fall apart and crumble beneath my own feet.
-December...A month that normally for the Cable clan would be full of joy...excitement...and energy... you December are one of my favorite months...but him not being here for Ethan's birthday on the 1st wasn't okay with me...a little boy...first birthday without his papa...It wasn't okay with me that mom and you, dad, would have been married 40 years on the 18th...she celebrated without you...that isn't fair... and Christmas...our first family vacation that we were planning went planned without you. I am not okay with this...I actually hate this...it isn't fair and I don't care who knows... but really what is fair?...Is it fair that Jesus had to go through the pain, persecution, hate, belittlement and pain that he did. Is it fair that God had to grieve his son while he looked down on him hanging from the cross with his blood dripping into a stream of red...Really so what is fair? Is it fair that I continue to fail you everyday because I am human yet you still love me...still want me...Is it fair that the world around us is full of hate...sin...and filth...yet you still love us... forgive us for we know not what we do. When you think about how bad you have it...someone out there has it worse than you...is that fair?...
-August...My I get to be one year older month...yahoo...notice the sarcasm. In 2010 on the day of my birth I was away from my father as it fell on a Sunday...my dad taught Sunday School and had a small group that night that he was the leader of. So we were apart. Dad wasn't much for birthday's and to be honest with you...neither am I. August 8, 2010 was a day that I won't forget because my dad sent me the best email ever...
Hey youngest daughter of mine,
Just want you to know how much I love you although I really can't tell you because English is just not that complete. There are no words to give you and there are no words to tell God how thankful I am for His faithfulness to you. Sunday you celebrate another year of development and what a year it has been and what a development. Again, I blame God knowing that all good things come from above. Isn't it great that we can blame Him for all good things? But Sunday will also be challenging because we are apart...not in spirit....but in person. I'm sure we would come to you if it were not Life Group night. I have never liked the days we are apart and even yet they are still hard to accept but it is part of maturity. Isn't it odd that we never get too mature to mature? God just bangs on our heart and asks, "Can you give just a little bit more?" It's an amazing life and I don't know how much more of it is left but know this, I will love you to the end. This month is going to be one of the hardest that we have had for awhile but God makes the difference. Trusting Him in the lonely hours and the trials of this life. There may be more to come but God is with us as He is with you. Therefore, I will trust Him to make your special day a happy one. When we are together again I will be able to say, Happy Birthday in person and ........ that was a happy day. I really thought that after Kim was born we should have only one kid but that wasn't a good plan and God knew it so He just kept on giving us special gifts....and one that I have lived the rest of my life to see again. That has all been of God and we have tried our best to give you all back to God for His purpose....hard to let go but for no better cause....it just seemed too early for Robert Paul.
Have a great day in the Lord Sunday and know that it is because of the Lord you are with us and with them.
*One thing I do want to hit on is if you notice in the email he mentioned a boy named Robert Paul. My mother lost a little boy in utero at 7 months...
August 8, 2011 rolled around and this is the email that I read that day... I am not going to lie... I went to my inbox and pretended like he had just sent me the email that day. In those quiet, still moments...I realized I am never going to receive another email from him again. I had to face the reality...that he was gone...and so were his emails.
-September...You were a somber...sad month...I wanted to feel happy... but something inside of me couldn't...I tried to find joy but it was hidden...hidden in a sea of tears...a sea of loneliness and a sea of un-forgiveness. I tried to be happy for Derek and Eryns wedding that was approaching next month...I tried to be excited for a new ministry that was starting up for the kids...I tried to be happy that a retreat with some great ladies was approaching...but I was stuck...in sorrow...in pain...in grief. You were also a month of Robert Paul's birthday...a brother I never met. This year you turned I believe 31... On your birthday I imagined dad and you in Heaven celebrating together...for the first time ever! A part of me was a little jealous that you got to celebrate your day with him...but to be honest with you when I got rid of my selfishness...a light shined through...I had 26 birthday's with my dad...you had none...and here you are after 30 some years FINALLY celebrating your day! I hope you loved it!
-October...You were busy...busy is good. You helped me keep my mind off of November and December as both of these months will hold a lot of firsts. I guess you could say that the emotion that I felt during the month of October was anticipation and eagerness... I was eager to get through the next 2 months! October there really isn't much to say about you...
-November...the month my father celebrated another year of life...also Turkey Day month. Like I said before dad wasn't really much for birthdays...but not being able to text him/call him and tell him happy birthday and that I am so happy that I got to have another year with him was not okay with me. If I would have known this...I would have hugged you more on your birthday last year. I would have told you a thousand times that I loved you...and that you were the best dad ever! Thanksgiving was even worse...you not there...was not fair! This month I felt so weak...about to break...fall apart and crumble beneath my own feet.
-December...A month that normally for the Cable clan would be full of joy...excitement...and energy... you December are one of my favorite months...but him not being here for Ethan's birthday on the 1st wasn't okay with me...a little boy...first birthday without his papa...It wasn't okay with me that mom and you, dad, would have been married 40 years on the 18th...she celebrated without you...that isn't fair... and Christmas...our first family vacation that we were planning went planned without you. I am not okay with this...I actually hate this...it isn't fair and I don't care who knows... but really what is fair?...Is it fair that Jesus had to go through the pain, persecution, hate, belittlement and pain that he did. Is it fair that God had to grieve his son while he looked down on him hanging from the cross with his blood dripping into a stream of red...Really so what is fair? Is it fair that I continue to fail you everyday because I am human yet you still love me...still want me...Is it fair that the world around us is full of hate...sin...and filth...yet you still love us... forgive us for we know not what we do. When you think about how bad you have it...someone out there has it worse than you...is that fair?...
Monday, January 16, 2012
I Don't Remember You!
-Hello May... I don't remember you! May was a whole month that I felt like I was looking through a fog... a fog of nothingness... Not wanting to get out of bed, brush my teeth, take a shower, do laundry (okay really I never want to do that)...but really I wanted to do nothing. I wanted everyone to throw me a pity party full of tears, my favorite cake and ice cream! I had no motivation and honestly I didn't care...but life went on...and happened all around me. I remember nothing about May...but the pain. To be honest with you...I don't even remember praying... I know that sounds awful...but I don't remember waking up in the morning...or going to bed at night. It was a whole month that was lost.
-June...Somehow planning for VBS took place during this month... I don't know how but it did. This was a month of anger for me. I was angry at God, my dad, myself, Satan and the world. I was angry with God because all my life I was taught that God will never fail me...and at that time I thought he did... He took the closest man I had in my life...He took my FATHER! How could a man who was supposed to be SO FULL OF LOVE...take my DAD and leave ME FATHERLESS! HOW could HE call himself a MAN of COURAGE, a MAN OF HONOR and a MAN OF LOVE! HOW DARE HIM...HE HAD NO RIGHT!!! But really it was life...Death is a part of life because of sin...my Godly father never failed me...he helped me to see purpose...he gave me a FATHER of LOVE, of COURAGE, of HONOR and of SO MUCH MORE. He opened the door to let me see how a real man is supposed to be! I thank God that I had my dad for 26 years! I was angry at my dad for leaving me...for leaving us...but I woke up and realized that if I had a choice I would peace out this life and go on to the next! I can't blame him! I was angry at Satan for the obvious!
-July...You saved my life...and my mind! I remember flying right through July... with so much going on...a kids event for church, District Assembly and camp..under my direction. July saved my mind from thinking too much. This was such a great month for me... one reason being that I finally was going to be meeting all of my sister and bro-in-laws kids from the orphanage as they would be at camp. It was so great getting to love on them...and July...brought joy! It was an open door into a little bit of happiness...but that happiness wouldn't last long...
to be continued...I am hungry and on the menu...Taco Bell! =)
-June...Somehow planning for VBS took place during this month... I don't know how but it did. This was a month of anger for me. I was angry at God, my dad, myself, Satan and the world. I was angry with God because all my life I was taught that God will never fail me...and at that time I thought he did... He took the closest man I had in my life...He took my FATHER! How could a man who was supposed to be SO FULL OF LOVE...take my DAD and leave ME FATHERLESS! HOW could HE call himself a MAN of COURAGE, a MAN OF HONOR and a MAN OF LOVE! HOW DARE HIM...HE HAD NO RIGHT!!! But really it was life...Death is a part of life because of sin...my Godly father never failed me...he helped me to see purpose...he gave me a FATHER of LOVE, of COURAGE, of HONOR and of SO MUCH MORE. He opened the door to let me see how a real man is supposed to be! I thank God that I had my dad for 26 years! I was angry at my dad for leaving me...for leaving us...but I woke up and realized that if I had a choice I would peace out this life and go on to the next! I can't blame him! I was angry at Satan for the obvious!
-July...You saved my life...and my mind! I remember flying right through July... with so much going on...a kids event for church, District Assembly and camp..under my direction. July saved my mind from thinking too much. This was such a great month for me... one reason being that I finally was going to be meeting all of my sister and bro-in-laws kids from the orphanage as they would be at camp. It was so great getting to love on them...and July...brought joy! It was an open door into a little bit of happiness...but that happiness wouldn't last long...
to be continued...I am hungry and on the menu...Taco Bell! =)
It Burns...
I am not one to have New Year Resolutions or should I say... I have them I just don't follow through.
Last year I made a Resolution to join a gym...workout like crazy and lose weight...I was going strong for about 3 months and lost about 15 pounds...all to drop out and well...almost gain it all back. I can't totally remember why I stopped...maybe I got too busy...or bored...or no motivation... whatever the reason...it was an excuse. A couple months after I stopped going to the gym and canceling my membership my father passed away. Just another reason to give up right?...feeling like life couldn't go on...not wanting to do anything for myself but feel sorry. I got down for a while...and I am happy to say that FINALLY almost 9 months later I am on the up. I am going to confess some raw emotions to you of the pain that I have gone through in the last 9 months....starting the month my dad died. I don't share these feeling with you for pity...but so you can see what death does and the process of grieving. Maybe someone out there in the blogger world will read this blog and it will somehow help them in their journey of grief.
-April...a sting...a I got the wind knocked out of me and will never breath again kind of pain. Woke up in the middle of the night...had a nightmare...I was walking down an extremely dark hallway with one little light at the end of it...the light was shining on something so to get a closer look I walked slowly towards it...a casket...that held my father...I started to yell for my mother as she rushed to the side of the bed...holding me and crying. I then realized in just a matter of a couple of hours I would really be seeing my father in a casket. The got the wind knocked out of me feeling happened all over again. I felt as if I was having a mental breakdown. The pain of the month of April...a pain that I wanted to go away...it burned.
Stay tuned for May...It's a blur...
Last year I made a Resolution to join a gym...workout like crazy and lose weight...I was going strong for about 3 months and lost about 15 pounds...all to drop out and well...almost gain it all back. I can't totally remember why I stopped...maybe I got too busy...or bored...or no motivation... whatever the reason...it was an excuse. A couple months after I stopped going to the gym and canceling my membership my father passed away. Just another reason to give up right?...feeling like life couldn't go on...not wanting to do anything for myself but feel sorry. I got down for a while...and I am happy to say that FINALLY almost 9 months later I am on the up. I am going to confess some raw emotions to you of the pain that I have gone through in the last 9 months....starting the month my dad died. I don't share these feeling with you for pity...but so you can see what death does and the process of grieving. Maybe someone out there in the blogger world will read this blog and it will somehow help them in their journey of grief.
-April...a sting...a I got the wind knocked out of me and will never breath again kind of pain. Woke up in the middle of the night...had a nightmare...I was walking down an extremely dark hallway with one little light at the end of it...the light was shining on something so to get a closer look I walked slowly towards it...a casket...that held my father...I started to yell for my mother as she rushed to the side of the bed...holding me and crying. I then realized in just a matter of a couple of hours I would really be seeing my father in a casket. The got the wind knocked out of me feeling happened all over again. I felt as if I was having a mental breakdown. The pain of the month of April...a pain that I wanted to go away...it burned.
Stay tuned for May...It's a blur...
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Meet Me in the Club
Back in February I wrote about becoming passionate to have the boldness of Jesus Christ. WOW! I am now living in the reality that praying for something like this... isn't the best idea... or is it?! Please bear with me as this blog will be a long one... but you will want to read till the end!
I'm gonna take you back some years ago when I attended an event at Purdue University called Porn and Popcorn. Generation X Church came out and spoke on the matter of Porn and the effect that the industry has on people lives. If you know me... you know that purity is one of my biggest passions. During this event the tears from my eyes fell like a waterfall. My heart was crushed and I whispered to Jesus... I can not NOT do something about this! At that time I was in college and I continued to pray for opportunities to be used. God continued to tell me wait my child... your time will come.
I was growing weary in the waiting as I continued to pray... I am going to admit there was a time where I didn't pray as much for it. I was tired of waiting around for something to happen! As time went on I continued to come in contact with people that I could speak the truth to about purity and why it is so important to wait... and to be strong in the Lord.
September 22nd a friend asks me if I want to attend an event called the Scarlet Hope Gala. I had no idea what it was but she proceeded to tell me that it was an event put on by an organization called Scarlet Hope. Scarlet Hope is a non for profit organization that goes into the strip clubs of Louisville KY and shares the LOVE of Jesus Christ to men and women in the sex industry. Scarlet Hope in no means tries to take the lively hood away from these people in the industry, they are simply there to show the love. They take food and feed the men and women before their shift and build genuine relationships with them. Well this particular evening they were holding an event to honor the ladies/men who have come out of the sex industry and are now living a life of LOVE through Jesus Christ. This friend had no idea that I had prayed for opportunities like this. She had no idea about the way that I felt years ago.
During the Gala there were women there who shared their testimony... about leaving the industry and finding the LOVE of Jesus Christ. I HAD TO GET INVOLVED! This was not an option from the Lord it was a demand! After the Gala I immediately got online and contacted the organization. They contacted me within 3 days... and well I have an orientation/training with them Tuesday October 18th. So here is the KICKER!
I found out the the girl that I live across the hall from.. literally 5 feet away from her... volunteers with Scarlet Hope... REALLY GOD! She is single like me and we have a TON in common. About a week after the Gala I stopped over to her place to pick something up and we talked for 3 hours. I know that God has lead me to this ministry and I am so pumped to volunteer! I am nervous though... I have learned that with every step of faith their is always some fear involved. So how can you help?... PRAY!
Please pray that God continues to guide me in this ministry. Going into the clubs and talking with these girls is going to be completely out of my comfort zone. Most people go to the clubs for other reasons... I want to go to talk about the LOVE of Jesus Christ! I know that God's very right hand holds me and he will guide me each step of the way.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
I'm gonna take you back some years ago when I attended an event at Purdue University called Porn and Popcorn. Generation X Church came out and spoke on the matter of Porn and the effect that the industry has on people lives. If you know me... you know that purity is one of my biggest passions. During this event the tears from my eyes fell like a waterfall. My heart was crushed and I whispered to Jesus... I can not NOT do something about this! At that time I was in college and I continued to pray for opportunities to be used. God continued to tell me wait my child... your time will come.
I was growing weary in the waiting as I continued to pray... I am going to admit there was a time where I didn't pray as much for it. I was tired of waiting around for something to happen! As time went on I continued to come in contact with people that I could speak the truth to about purity and why it is so important to wait... and to be strong in the Lord.
September 22nd a friend asks me if I want to attend an event called the Scarlet Hope Gala. I had no idea what it was but she proceeded to tell me that it was an event put on by an organization called Scarlet Hope. Scarlet Hope is a non for profit organization that goes into the strip clubs of Louisville KY and shares the LOVE of Jesus Christ to men and women in the sex industry. Scarlet Hope in no means tries to take the lively hood away from these people in the industry, they are simply there to show the love. They take food and feed the men and women before their shift and build genuine relationships with them. Well this particular evening they were holding an event to honor the ladies/men who have come out of the sex industry and are now living a life of LOVE through Jesus Christ. This friend had no idea that I had prayed for opportunities like this. She had no idea about the way that I felt years ago.
During the Gala there were women there who shared their testimony... about leaving the industry and finding the LOVE of Jesus Christ. I HAD TO GET INVOLVED! This was not an option from the Lord it was a demand! After the Gala I immediately got online and contacted the organization. They contacted me within 3 days... and well I have an orientation/training with them Tuesday October 18th. So here is the KICKER!
I found out the the girl that I live across the hall from.. literally 5 feet away from her... volunteers with Scarlet Hope... REALLY GOD! She is single like me and we have a TON in common. About a week after the Gala I stopped over to her place to pick something up and we talked for 3 hours. I know that God has lead me to this ministry and I am so pumped to volunteer! I am nervous though... I have learned that with every step of faith their is always some fear involved. So how can you help?... PRAY!
Please pray that God continues to guide me in this ministry. Going into the clubs and talking with these girls is going to be completely out of my comfort zone. Most people go to the clubs for other reasons... I want to go to talk about the LOVE of Jesus Christ! I know that God's very right hand holds me and he will guide me each step of the way.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
It All Begins With Monday...
April 18th... a normal day of normal routine. A day that I woke up, got ready for work and went about my day. It wasn't any different from any other day. I loved on some of my favorite little kidos. The only thing about this what I call "normal" day is that it was a Monday. Yuck... now there aren't too many things in this world that I just absolutely can not stand... but when someone says the word Monday... I cringe. Dreaded Monday...coming off of what is usually an amazing weekend...Monday the beginning of the week...Monday...makes Friday look so far away. When I was in college Monday meant... getting up at 7:00 to go to class at 7:30... then to FINALLY end my day at 9:30pm...when my last class was over. I have never been a fan of Monday's. Monday brings bad new... So what was so different about Monday, April 18th...well when I woke up (late might I add)... I felt a little strange... a little off kilter... I didn't even take a shower (okay really you act like you haven't taken a shower in the morning)...I came into work... not wanting to. I didn't talk to anyone unless I had to. I sat at my desk for about 4 minutes and cried...for no reason at all...I told myself to buck up and get on with what you have to get done. Something didn't feel right. That whole day I could have been nicer to people but I wasn't...things were just strange... a strange where you knew something was wrong but you had NO idea what that "wrong" was. So instead of trying to really figure it out I went about my day. At 3:00 I told myself that I needed to call my mom and dad to make sure everything was okay at home...so I decided that I would call right before our churches young adult small group. Well I never made that phone call...I didn't have a chance...
My friend Stephanie and I decided to go to Chick-Fil-a before small group...we arrived there at 6pm and as I am getting out of my car my phone rings... The worse conversation I have ever had with my mom happened within the next 40 seconds. "Kendra. Hey mom umm what's going on? Are you alone? No mom what's going on? I need to know who is with you. My friend Stephanie why mom...what's going on? Who is Stephanie? Mom it doesn't matter right now... WHAT IS GOING ON? Kendra... Your dad is gone. What mom?...Where did he go?... No you aren't understanding what I am saying... I came home from work and found him laying on the kitchen floor dead." (The words Dad and dead where used in the same sentence...that isn't supposed to happen). The next moments still play out in my mind. As I literally fell to the ground I yelled, "WHAT! WHAT! YOU ARE KIDDING ME! MOM TELL ME YOU ARE KIDDING ME! Kendra I'm not kidding you. NO MOM NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! Kendra... calm down, we are going to get through this... you need to find a way home. Ok mom I'll be home soon... I love you so much and I am so sorry."
As I tried to figure out how to get home and get all of my stuff together... thoughts flooded my mind... my dad is dead, Kendra you are fatherless, who is going to walk you down the isle, how am I going to live life without him, who will take care of my mom, I should have called him, why didn't I call him. I have to say that I have amazing people in my life, Sarah, Tom, Derek, Stephanie, Mo and Doug. In those moments I don't know what I would have done if they would not have been at my finger tips.
Doug and Mo took me to my apartment and stayed there until I packed up my stuff. They also met some family half way. When I reached Lynn and Judy I was numb... I have always heard people say, "I need to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming." In those moments I remembered that phrase so I took my knuckle and didn't pinch myself but I bit my knuckle... it hurt so I KNEW it was not a dream...really not a nightmare.
It was now 9pm and I hadn't eaten since 11:15 that day... So we stopped at McDonald's... not the best choice when your body is in total shock. I went a head and drank my small water and ate half of my cheeseburger. Then I realized that my mouth was watering, I was getting hot and I had a knot in my throat. Something was happening and I couldn't stop it even if I tried...Vomit...all down the front of me. I tried to catch it in my small cup... smart thinking right?... not when the cup overflowed. Judy says, "just let it out." I then start to cry saying, "I just want my daddy."
Thoughts flooded back to when I was little... I was sleeping on the top bunk of the beds and my dad heard me making vomit noises. He sprung up out of bed, grabbed me and realized that he wasn't going to make it to the bathroom so he cupped his shirt and let me vomit into his shirt. That was the kind of loving father I had... a man who would cup his shirt for his daughters vomit. In those moments I wanted my daddy there to comfort me and tell me that I was okay and that he would take care of me. But he wasn't there...
We stopped at Lynn and Judy's so that I could take a shower and get cleaned up. When I was done we headed back to mom and dad's. I walked through the door...numb, lifeless and in total shock. All I wanted to do was she my dad sitting there. My mom grabbed me... hugged me and we sobbed. I then looked at two of the most sweetest children that I knew... Ethan and Abby my nephew and niece... there hearts were so broken... I saw it all over their little faces...they didn't have to say a word. My heart had just been torn out of my chest! That night I continued to have dry heaves.
I continued to pray to Jesus that there would be some way that he would raise my dad from the dead just like he did Lazarus. The days a head were the worse days that I have ever had.
The worse week ever... and that week started with a Monday...
My friend Stephanie and I decided to go to Chick-Fil-a before small group...we arrived there at 6pm and as I am getting out of my car my phone rings... The worse conversation I have ever had with my mom happened within the next 40 seconds. "Kendra. Hey mom umm what's going on? Are you alone? No mom what's going on? I need to know who is with you. My friend Stephanie why mom...what's going on? Who is Stephanie? Mom it doesn't matter right now... WHAT IS GOING ON? Kendra... Your dad is gone. What mom?...Where did he go?... No you aren't understanding what I am saying... I came home from work and found him laying on the kitchen floor dead." (The words Dad and dead where used in the same sentence...that isn't supposed to happen). The next moments still play out in my mind. As I literally fell to the ground I yelled, "WHAT! WHAT! YOU ARE KIDDING ME! MOM TELL ME YOU ARE KIDDING ME! Kendra I'm not kidding you. NO MOM NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! Kendra... calm down, we are going to get through this... you need to find a way home. Ok mom I'll be home soon... I love you so much and I am so sorry."
As I tried to figure out how to get home and get all of my stuff together... thoughts flooded my mind... my dad is dead, Kendra you are fatherless, who is going to walk you down the isle, how am I going to live life without him, who will take care of my mom, I should have called him, why didn't I call him. I have to say that I have amazing people in my life, Sarah, Tom, Derek, Stephanie, Mo and Doug. In those moments I don't know what I would have done if they would not have been at my finger tips.
Doug and Mo took me to my apartment and stayed there until I packed up my stuff. They also met some family half way. When I reached Lynn and Judy I was numb... I have always heard people say, "I need to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming." In those moments I remembered that phrase so I took my knuckle and didn't pinch myself but I bit my knuckle... it hurt so I KNEW it was not a dream...really not a nightmare.
It was now 9pm and I hadn't eaten since 11:15 that day... So we stopped at McDonald's... not the best choice when your body is in total shock. I went a head and drank my small water and ate half of my cheeseburger. Then I realized that my mouth was watering, I was getting hot and I had a knot in my throat. Something was happening and I couldn't stop it even if I tried...Vomit...all down the front of me. I tried to catch it in my small cup... smart thinking right?... not when the cup overflowed. Judy says, "just let it out." I then start to cry saying, "I just want my daddy."
Thoughts flooded back to when I was little... I was sleeping on the top bunk of the beds and my dad heard me making vomit noises. He sprung up out of bed, grabbed me and realized that he wasn't going to make it to the bathroom so he cupped his shirt and let me vomit into his shirt. That was the kind of loving father I had... a man who would cup his shirt for his daughters vomit. In those moments I wanted my daddy there to comfort me and tell me that I was okay and that he would take care of me. But he wasn't there...
We stopped at Lynn and Judy's so that I could take a shower and get cleaned up. When I was done we headed back to mom and dad's. I walked through the door...numb, lifeless and in total shock. All I wanted to do was she my dad sitting there. My mom grabbed me... hugged me and we sobbed. I then looked at two of the most sweetest children that I knew... Ethan and Abby my nephew and niece... there hearts were so broken... I saw it all over their little faces...they didn't have to say a word. My heart had just been torn out of my chest! That night I continued to have dry heaves.
I continued to pray to Jesus that there would be some way that he would raise my dad from the dead just like he did Lazarus. The days a head were the worse days that I have ever had.
The worse week ever... and that week started with a Monday...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
...watch...wait... GO!
Being mission minded has been my focus. I believe that too many times we sit around waiting for something to happen. I have been striving and praying for that boldness of Jesus Christ. I want it so bad and at times I become extremely passionate about it.
The other day I was talking to someone a little older then me... and they wanted me to think about where I felt like God was going to take me in 10 years. It kind of scared me to think of where I would be... and I don't want to go there alone. I am not someone who is desperate to be married... I however am someone who is desperate to be in the will of Jesus Christ. So it left me to wonder... if I am someone who is desperate to go where God would have me to go... why to I wonder in the wilderness... looking... waiting... watching for something more then what I already have. I am not alone... I will not go there alone and I will not go throughout life being alone... because I have God. Wherever he leads me... I won't be alone... now does this make it easy?... no it doesn't but I rest assured in knowing that God has my best interest in mind. So I will not wait for my future instead my future will wait for me!
The other day I was talking to someone a little older then me... and they wanted me to think about where I felt like God was going to take me in 10 years. It kind of scared me to think of where I would be... and I don't want to go there alone. I am not someone who is desperate to be married... I however am someone who is desperate to be in the will of Jesus Christ. So it left me to wonder... if I am someone who is desperate to go where God would have me to go... why to I wonder in the wilderness... looking... waiting... watching for something more then what I already have. I am not alone... I will not go there alone and I will not go throughout life being alone... because I have God. Wherever he leads me... I won't be alone... now does this make it easy?... no it doesn't but I rest assured in knowing that God has my best interest in mind. So I will not wait for my future instead my future will wait for me!
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