A Letter to Pops...

Today... I am compelled to blog about one of the greatest men that walked this Earth. Next to my Lord and Savior... My dad...AKA my "Pops"

A letter to Pops...

Hey Pops... you need to know that so much has happened this past year in my life...without you physically but I know you have been with me...because I carry a piece of you where ever I go. I am learning to overcome my own selfishness... I am learning to not call you first for some things in life...instead go to my heavenly father... I have learned what grieving really means. I am learning that you and mom both raised me to be a strong person...and to show my weaknesses. Some nights are harder then others...and it is still so hard for me to believe that you are gone. There are days where I miss your laugh, your hugs, your voice and our chats...always ending in "I Love You." I got through my first ever leading of VBS...and directing our district Kids Camp...without talking to you about how it went. Now dad... I am coming up on my credentials interview for ordination. I am a little nervous but it hurts to know that I can't talk to you about it. If they approve me for ordination...your buddy...J.K Warrick will be ordaining me. I am so blessed by this...because of who he was in your life... crazy to think that he dedicated me...and now he will be the one to ordain me. God is taking care of me dad... providing my every need and giving me my hearts desires. Remember Evie...of course you do...I went out with her grandson 3 months ago...and we have been talking ever since... God is leading...and directing. Crazy where life brings you. In 8 days we will be celebrating your life...I am trying to stay positive in this... but I am not going to lie...it hurts...it stings and frankly I am still not okay with you not being here!

I still love you dad...

While I was typing this letter to you...this song by David Crowder came on Pandora... Like I said...God is taking care of me:

Deliver Me

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me

CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through

Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing

Oh, deliver me

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through

Analyze This!

If you know me well...you know that I over analyze EVERYTHING! Being a girl plays into this whole over analytical mindset...now just add my crazy brain into the mix and you get an over analytical crazy girl who thinks to much about thinking...Yes I did just got back and read this whole run on sentence more than once. Some examples of my over analytical mind would include: Every time I leave a message for someone on their voicemail...if they have an option for me to review the voicemail...I have to review it every time. If my voice is off or I say something stupid I have to re-record it. Another example is this...the other day I was at a Children's Leadership Retreat when I noticed this lady looking at me...I tried not to make eye contact...oops she got my attention...she asked me what church I went to and then she said sorry if you saw me looking at you...I was just admiring how pretty you are. Awkwardly I said thank you. OK hold the phone...it is not everyday that someone stops me and says that...and in my mind I thought why were you not a tall, dark and handsome man...that was my age and wanted a girl like me...=)...okay then after that thought went through my mind...I walked into the bathroom and looked at my face...as if I didn't over analyze that face 5 times that morning I had to look for the 6th time...I then walked out of the bathroom and thought I bet she thinks that I am not pretty and she felt bad for me so to boost my self esteem that maybe she thought I didn't have she told me I was pretty...WOW really Kendra I thought...you are way to over analytical and something needs to change. I analyze my life way too much and at times go into spazz mode...thinking okay if this happens in my life then I do this...or here is another option and so on.

Last night God hit me dead in those over analytical steps... I was reading me devotional when these words jumped out at me... "Remember to love me. When I am your top priority, everything else in your life will fall into place. When you love me, your mind will be focused on what really matters. You are always at the forefront of my mind. Let me be the forefront of yours." WOW!!! I have to admit when I am over analyzing my life...how in the world can God be at the forefront of my mind?...

Today I am learning to be an unanalytical thinker...I no longer want to be an over analytical spazz of a girl who even drives herself totally crazy!