Meet Me in the Club

Back in February I wrote about becoming passionate to have the boldness of Jesus Christ. WOW! I am now living in the reality that praying for something like this... isn't the best idea... or is it?! Please bear with me as this blog will be a long one... but you will want to read till the end!

I'm gonna take you back some years ago when I attended an event at Purdue University called Porn and Popcorn. Generation X Church came out and spoke on the matter of Porn and the effect that the industry has on people lives. If you know me... you know that purity is one of my biggest passions. During this event the tears from my eyes fell like a waterfall. My heart was crushed and I whispered to Jesus... I can not NOT do something about this! At that time I was in college and I continued to pray for opportunities to be used. God continued to tell me wait my child... your time will come.

I was growing weary in the waiting as I continued to pray... I am going to admit there was a time where I didn't pray as much for it. I was tired of waiting around for something to happen! As time went on I continued to come in contact with people that I could speak the truth to about purity and why it is so important to wait... and to be strong in the Lord.

September 22nd a friend asks me if I want to attend an event called the Scarlet Hope Gala. I had no idea what it was but she proceeded to tell me that it was an event put on by an organization called Scarlet Hope. Scarlet Hope is a non for profit organization that goes into the strip clubs of Louisville KY and shares the LOVE of Jesus Christ to men and women in the sex industry. Scarlet Hope in no means tries to take the lively hood away from these people in the industry, they are simply there to show the love. They take food and feed the men and women before their shift and build genuine relationships with them. Well this particular evening they were holding an event to honor the ladies/men who have come out of the sex industry and are now living a life of LOVE through Jesus Christ. This friend had no idea that I had prayed for opportunities like this. She had no idea about the way that I felt years ago.

During the Gala there were women there who shared their testimony... about leaving the industry and finding the LOVE of Jesus Christ. I HAD TO GET INVOLVED! This was not an option from the Lord it was a demand! After the Gala I immediately got online and contacted the organization. They contacted me within 3 days... and well I have an orientation/training with them Tuesday October 18th. So here is the KICKER!

I found out the the girl that I live across the hall from.. literally 5 feet away from her... volunteers with Scarlet Hope... REALLY GOD! She is single like me and we have a TON in common. About a week after the Gala I stopped over to her place to pick something up and we talked for 3 hours. I know that God has lead me to this ministry and I am so pumped to volunteer! I am nervous though... I have learned that with every step of faith their is always some fear involved. So how can you help?... PRAY!

Please pray that God continues to guide me in this ministry. Going into the clubs and talking with these girls is going to be completely out of my comfort zone. Most people go to the clubs for other reasons... I want to go to talk about the LOVE of Jesus Christ! I know that God's very right hand holds me and he will guide me each step of the way.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

It All Begins With Monday...

April 18th... a normal day of normal routine. A day that I woke up, got ready for work and went about my day. It wasn't any different from any other day. I loved on some of my favorite little kidos. The only thing about this what I call "normal" day is that it was a Monday. Yuck... now there aren't too many things in this world that I just absolutely can not stand... but when someone says the word Monday... I cringe. Dreaded Monday...coming off of what is usually an amazing weekend...Monday the beginning of the week...Monday...makes Friday look so far away. When I was in college Monday meant... getting up at 7:00 to go to class at 7:30... then to FINALLY end my day at 9:30pm...when my last class was over. I have never been a fan of Monday's. Monday brings bad new... So what was so different about Monday, April 18th...well when I woke up (late might I add)... I felt a little strange... a little off kilter... I didn't even take a shower (okay really you act like you haven't taken a shower in the morning)...I came into work... not wanting to. I didn't talk to anyone unless I had to. I sat at my desk for about 4 minutes and cried...for no reason at all...I told myself to buck up and get on with what you have to get done. Something didn't feel right. That whole day I could have been nicer to people but I wasn't...things were just strange... a strange where you knew something was wrong but you had NO idea what that "wrong" was. So instead of trying to really figure it out I went about my day. At 3:00 I told myself that I needed to call my mom and dad to make sure everything was okay at home...so I decided that I would call right before our churches young adult small group. Well I never made that phone call...I didn't have a chance...

My friend Stephanie and I decided to go to Chick-Fil-a before small group...we arrived there at 6pm and as I am getting out of my car my phone rings... The worse conversation I have ever had with my mom happened within the next 40 seconds. "Kendra. Hey mom umm what's going on? Are you alone? No mom what's going on? I need to know who is with you. My friend Stephanie why mom...what's going on? Who is Stephanie? Mom it doesn't matter right now... WHAT IS GOING ON? Kendra... Your dad is gone. What mom?...Where did he go?... No you aren't understanding what I am saying... I came home from work and found him laying on the kitchen floor dead." (The words Dad and dead where used in the same sentence...that isn't supposed to happen). The next moments still play out in my mind. As I literally fell to the ground I yelled, "WHAT! WHAT! YOU ARE KIDDING ME! MOM TELL ME YOU ARE KIDDING ME! Kendra I'm not kidding you. NO MOM NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! Kendra... calm down, we are going to get through this... you need to find a way home. Ok mom I'll be home soon... I love you so much and I am so sorry."

As I tried to figure out how to get home and get all of my stuff together... thoughts flooded my mind... my dad is dead, Kendra you are fatherless, who is going to walk you down the isle, how am I going to live life without him, who will take care of my mom, I should have called him, why didn't I call him. I have to say that I have amazing people in my life, Sarah, Tom, Derek, Stephanie, Mo and Doug. In those moments I don't know what I would have done if they would not have been at my finger tips.

Doug and Mo took me to my apartment and stayed there until I packed up my stuff. They also met some family half way. When I reached Lynn and Judy I was numb... I have always heard people say, "I need to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming." In those moments I remembered that phrase so I took my knuckle and didn't pinch myself but I bit my knuckle... it hurt so I KNEW it was not a dream...really not a nightmare.

It was now 9pm and I hadn't eaten since 11:15 that day... So we stopped at McDonald's... not the best choice when your body is in total shock. I went a head and drank my small water and ate half of my cheeseburger. Then I realized that my mouth was watering, I was getting hot and I had a knot in my throat. Something was happening and I couldn't stop it even if I tried...Vomit...all down the front of me. I tried to catch it in my small cup... smart thinking right?... not when the cup overflowed. Judy says, "just let it out." I then start to cry saying, "I just want my daddy."

Thoughts flooded back to when I was little... I was sleeping on the top bunk of the beds and my dad heard me making vomit noises. He sprung up out of bed, grabbed me and realized that he wasn't going to make it to the bathroom so he cupped his shirt and let me vomit into his shirt. That was the kind of loving father I had... a man who would cup his shirt for his daughters vomit. In those moments I wanted my daddy there to comfort me and tell me that I was okay and that he would take care of me. But he wasn't there...

We stopped at Lynn and Judy's so that I could take a shower and get cleaned up. When I was done we headed back to mom and dad's. I walked through the door...numb, lifeless and in total shock. All I wanted to do was she my dad sitting there. My mom grabbed me... hugged me and we sobbed. I then looked at two of the most sweetest children that I knew... Ethan and Abby my nephew and niece... there hearts were so broken... I saw it all over their little faces...they didn't have to say a word. My heart had just been torn out of my chest! That night I continued to have dry heaves.

I continued to pray to Jesus that there would be some way that he would raise my dad from the dead just like he did Lazarus. The days a head were the worse days that I have ever had.

The worse week ever... and that week started with a Monday...

...watch...wait... GO!

Being mission minded has been my focus. I believe that too many times we sit around waiting for something to happen. I have been striving and praying for that boldness of Jesus Christ. I want it so bad and at times I become extremely passionate about it.

The other day I was talking to someone a little older then me... and they wanted me to think about where I felt like God was going to take me in 10 years. It kind of scared me to think of where I would be... and I don't want to go there alone. I am not someone who is desperate to be married... I however am someone who is desperate to be in the will of Jesus Christ. So it left me to wonder... if I am someone who is desperate to go where God would have me to go... why to I wonder in the wilderness... looking... waiting... watching for something more then what I already have. I am not alone... I will not go there alone and I will not go throughout life being alone... because I have God. Wherever he leads me... I won't be alone... now does this make it easy?... no it doesn't but I rest assured in knowing that God has my best interest in mind. So I will not wait for my future instead my future will wait for me!