Baby Got Bible...

I wanted to finish what I started a couple of blogs ago when I mentioned resolutions. Most of my resolutions that I have made in the past have gone bad. One year I made a resolution to never eat again...fail...another, I was going to work out everyday until I felt like I was going to die...fail but this year... I have high hopes! I have a couple of resolutions this year...one being to grow deeper in the wisdom and knowledge of Jesus Christ and another is to become financially wise. Watch out world I am about to become the smartest person you know...I'm going to be brilliant...and have a lifetime if knowledge!

So as I started out into the beginning of January I was pumped to gain Jesus knowledge. I knew that the main step to gaining this knowledge was to read my bible... A LOT! My knowledge bubble was busted when I woke up one day and couldn't find my Bible ANYWHERE!!! I searched and searched and searched! As I looked at all of my book shelves I noticed that I have at least 5 Bibles... but no bible would do...besides my Bible! Now I want you to imagine your most AMAZING pair of jeans... you probably have 30 some pairs of jeans in your closet but you choose to where the ones that you love the most...they are probably wearing thin and may even have a couple of rips in them...but yet you continue to wear them... This is how my Bible is. Here is the best description of my Bible. My older sister Kim got me this bible in 2000 for my birthday I was 15 years old...so this bible is WORN out...My name is engraved on it in gold Kendra Leigh Cable and is brown leather, the cover is ripping, the leather is pealing off, pages are folded and written on, scriptures are highlighted and underlined and recently I had to tape some pages in because they were falling out. So no...not ANY Bible would do. I have been worried because I thought maybe I had left my Bible in Florida...looks like I would be making a trip back to go get it...=)...but really I thought that it was there...hanging out in my bedroom that I had for the week...I texted my mom this morning asking her for the number of the owners so that my Bible could be found and in my hands again. I decided that before I called them I would look one last place...it was a place that I had looked before...my car...but earlier I had failed to look in a bag that was in my car. I opened that bag slowly and my Bible sang to me..."Hello Bible... you are found... COME TO MOMMA!!!!" (I may or may not have really said those words.) I am not going to lie...a tear developed in my eye...
This whole tragedy of me losing my Bible got me thinking...if I was so upset about losing my Bible... I couldn't imagine how upset I would be if I truly lost my relationship with Jesus Christ. I started to question...why was I so upset about losing my Bible...if the most important thing is my relationship with Him and not how much I know?...now I know that living and reading the word go hand in hand with the relationship...but I think for one of the first times ever I started to really connect the two. How do we find out about Jesus Christ and His love?...Sure we can go to Him in prayer but what we need to know about Him and his life is in the Bible. In order to really build a relationship with someone you have to get to know them...by them telling you about their self.

It take me to this...how do we know that the Bible is true? Can the Bible be infallible if it is written but fallible humans? l Recently this question was raised to me by a good friend of mine. In my research I found this:

There is no logical reason why this could not be true. After all, even fallible humans can get things right some of the time, especially if they are supervised by Someone who is infallible.

Christians do not claim that the humans who penned the books of the Bible were always accurate in everything they said or did. We simply believe that the Bible is right when it claims that God guided these men in their task of writing scripture, in such a way that the result is an infallible book. The apostle Peter undoubtedly said some foolish things during his lifetime, but God did not allow him to clutter up the Bible with any of those blunders.

2 Timothy 3:16 Contains the classic claim that the Bible was produced by God, not just men:

All scripture is inspired by God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.

One standard explanation of the concept of “inspiration” is given by Ryrie:

God's superintendence of the human authors so that, using their own individual personalities, they composed and recorded without error His revelation to man in the words of the original autographs [Charles Ryrie, A Survey of Bible Doctrine (Chicago: Moody Press, 1972), p. 38].

We do not know exactly how God accomplished His purpose of providing a totally accurate Bible. But 2 Peter 1:21 gives some insight:

No prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.

The word “moved” in this verse is also used in Acts 27:15 to describe the way a great storm blew the apostle Paul's ship off course across the Mediterranean. The people on board could spend the time as they chose (either bailing or wailing!), but the storm determined their destination of Malta. Similarly, God guided the writers of scripture to produce exactly the message He wanted.

Thought this was interesting...please add your thoughts.

Me...

That is NOT Fair!

For you to fully understand this blog...you should scroll down and read the ones titled "It Burned" and "I Don't Remember You." I want to make one thing clear about these blogs... of my "raw" emotions... I don't write these to the blogger/internet world because I want pity...I write them because I want to open doors to those who are, have or will deal with death/grief. It is a process and you do not get better over night...and everyone grieves differently which I will touch more on later....So on to August.

-August...My I get to be one year older month...yahoo...notice the sarcasm. In 2010 on the day of my birth I was away from my father as it fell on a Sunday...my dad taught Sunday School and had a small group that night that he was the leader of. So we were apart. Dad wasn't much for birthday's and to be honest with you...neither am I. August 8, 2010 was a day that I won't forget because my dad sent me the best email ever...

Hey youngest daughter of mine,

Just want you to know how much I love you although I really can't tell you because English is just not that complete. There are no words to give you and there are no words to tell God how thankful I am for His faithfulness to you. Sunday you celebrate another year of development and what a year it has been and what a development. Again, I blame God knowing that all good things come from above. Isn't it great that we can blame Him for all good things? But Sunday will also be challenging because we are apart...not in spirit....but in person. I'm sure we would come to you if it were not Life Group night. I have never liked the days we are apart and even yet they are still hard to accept but it is part of maturity. Isn't it odd that we never get too mature to mature? God just bangs on our heart and asks, "Can you give just a little bit more?" It's an amazing life and I don't know how much more of it is left but know this, I will love you to the end. This month is going to be one of the hardest that we have had for awhile but God makes the difference. Trusting Him in the lonely hours and the trials of this life. There may be more to come but God is with us as He is with you. Therefore, I will trust Him to make your special day a happy one. When we are together again I will be able to say, Happy Birthday in person and ........ that was a happy day. I really thought that after Kim was born we should have only one kid but that wasn't a good plan and God knew it so He just kept on giving us special gifts....and one that I have lived the rest of my life to see again. That has all been of God and we have tried our best to give you all back to God for His purpose....hard to let go but for no better cause....it just seemed too early for Robert Paul.

Have a great day in the Lord Sunday and know that it is because of the Lord you are with us and with them.

Love you with all my heart.

*One thing I do want to hit on is if you notice in the email he mentioned a boy named Robert Paul. My mother lost a little boy in utero at 7 months...

August 8, 2011 rolled around and this is the email that I read that day... I am not going to lie... I went to my inbox and pretended like he had just sent me the email that day. In those quiet, still moments...I realized I am never going to receive another email from him again. I had to face the reality...that he was gone...and so were his emails.

-September...You were a somber...sad month...I wanted to feel happy... but something inside of me couldn't...I tried to find joy but it was hidden...hidden in a sea of tears...a sea of loneliness and a sea of un-forgiveness. I tried to be happy for Derek and Eryns wedding that was approaching next month...I tried to be excited for a new ministry that was starting up for the kids...I tried to be happy that a retreat with some great ladies was approaching...but I was stuck...in sorrow...in pain...in grief. You were also a month of Robert Paul's birthday...a brother I never met. This year you turned I believe 31... On your birthday I imagined dad and you in Heaven celebrating together...for the first time ever! A part of me was a little jealous that you got to celebrate your day with him...but to be honest with you when I got rid of my selfishness...a light shined through...I had 26 birthday's with my dad...you had none...and here you are after 30 some years FINALLY celebrating your day! I hope you loved it!

-October...You were busy...busy is good. You helped me keep my mind off of November and December as both of these months will hold a lot of firsts. I guess you could say that the emotion that I felt during the month of October was anticipation and eagerness... I was eager to get through the next 2 months! October there really isn't much to say about you...

-November...the month my father celebrated another year of life...also Turkey Day month. Like I said before dad wasn't really much for birthdays...but not being able to text him/call him and tell him happy birthday and that I am so happy that I got to have another year with him was not okay with me. If I would have known this...I would have hugged you more on your birthday last year. I would have told you a thousand times that I loved you...and that you were the best dad ever! Thanksgiving was even worse...you not there...was not fair! This month I felt so weak...about to break...fall apart and crumble beneath my own feet.

-December...A month that normally for the Cable clan would be full of joy...excitement...and energy... you December are one of my favorite months...but him not being here for Ethan's birthday on the 1st wasn't okay with me...a little boy...first birthday without his papa...It wasn't okay with me that mom and you, dad, would have been married 40 years on the 18th...she celebrated without you...that isn't fair... and Christmas...our first family vacation that we were planning went planned without you. I am not okay with this...I actually hate this...it isn't fair and I don't care who knows... but really what is fair?...Is it fair that Jesus had to go through the pain, persecution, hate, belittlement and pain that he did. Is it fair that God had to grieve his son while he looked down on him hanging from the cross with his blood dripping into a stream of red...Really so what is fair? Is it fair that I continue to fail you everyday because I am human yet you still love me...still want me...Is it fair that the world around us is full of hate...sin...and filth...yet you still love us... forgive us for we know not what we do. When you think about how bad you have it...someone out there has it worse than you...is that fair?...

I Don't Remember You!

-Hello May... I don't remember you! May was a whole month that I felt like I was looking through a fog... a fog of nothingness... Not wanting to get out of bed, brush my teeth, take a shower, do laundry (okay really I never want to do that)...but really I wanted to do nothing. I wanted everyone to throw me a pity party full of tears, my favorite cake and ice cream! I had no motivation and honestly I didn't care...but life went on...and happened all around me. I remember nothing about May...but the pain. To be honest with you...I don't even remember praying... I know that sounds awful...but I don't remember waking up in the morning...or going to bed at night. It was a whole month that was lost.

-June...Somehow planning for VBS took place during this month... I don't know how but it did. This was a month of anger for me. I was angry at God, my dad, myself, Satan and the world. I was angry with God because all my life I was taught that God will never fail me...and at that time I thought he did... He took the closest man I had in my life...He took my FATHER! How could a man who was supposed to be SO FULL OF LOVE...take my DAD and leave ME FATHERLESS! HOW could HE call himself a MAN of COURAGE, a MAN OF HONOR and a MAN OF LOVE! HOW DARE HIM...HE HAD NO RIGHT!!! But really it was life...Death is a part of life because of sin...my Godly father never failed me...he helped me to see purpose...he gave me a FATHER of LOVE, of COURAGE, of HONOR and of SO MUCH MORE. He opened the door to let me see how a real man is supposed to be! I thank God that I had my dad for 26 years! I was angry at my dad for leaving me...for leaving us...but I woke up and realized that if I had a choice I would peace out this life and go on to the next! I can't blame him! I was angry at Satan for the obvious!

-July...You saved my life...and my mind! I remember flying right through July... with so much going on...a kids event for church, District Assembly and camp..under my direction. July saved my mind from thinking too much. This was such a great month for me... one reason being that I finally was going to be meeting all of my sister and bro-in-laws kids from the orphanage as they would be at camp. It was so great getting to love on them...and July...brought joy! It was an open door into a little bit of happiness...but that happiness wouldn't last long...

to be continued...I am hungry and on the menu...Taco Bell! =)

It Burns...

I am not one to have New Year Resolutions or should I say... I have them I just don't follow through.

Last year I made a Resolution to join a gym...workout like crazy and lose weight...I was going strong for about 3 months and lost about 15 pounds...all to drop out and well...almost gain it all back. I can't totally remember why I stopped...maybe I got too busy...or bored...or no motivation... whatever the reason...it was an excuse. A couple months after I stopped going to the gym and canceling my membership my father passed away. Just another reason to give up right?...feeling like life couldn't go on...not wanting to do anything for myself but feel sorry. I got down for a while...and I am happy to say that FINALLY almost 9 months later I am on the up. I am going to confess some raw emotions to you of the pain that I have gone through in the last 9 months....starting the month my dad died. I don't share these feeling with you for pity...but so you can see what death does and the process of grieving. Maybe someone out there in the blogger world will read this blog and it will somehow help them in their journey of grief.

-April...a sting...a I got the wind knocked out of me and will never breath again kind of pain. Woke up in the middle of the night...had a nightmare...I was walking down an extremely dark hallway with one little light at the end of it...the light was shining on something so to get a closer look I walked slowly towards it...a casket...that held my father...I started to yell for my mother as she rushed to the side of the bed...holding me and crying. I then realized in just a matter of a couple of hours I would really be seeing my father in a casket. The got the wind knocked out of me feeling happened all over again. I felt as if I was having a mental breakdown. The pain of the month of April...a pain that I wanted to go away...it burned.

Stay tuned for May...It's a blur...