I Don't Remember You!

-Hello May... I don't remember you! May was a whole month that I felt like I was looking through a fog... a fog of nothingness... Not wanting to get out of bed, brush my teeth, take a shower, do laundry (okay really I never want to do that)...but really I wanted to do nothing. I wanted everyone to throw me a pity party full of tears, my favorite cake and ice cream! I had no motivation and honestly I didn't care...but life went on...and happened all around me. I remember nothing about May...but the pain. To be honest with you...I don't even remember praying... I know that sounds awful...but I don't remember waking up in the morning...or going to bed at night. It was a whole month that was lost.

-June...Somehow planning for VBS took place during this month... I don't know how but it did. This was a month of anger for me. I was angry at God, my dad, myself, Satan and the world. I was angry with God because all my life I was taught that God will never fail me...and at that time I thought he did... He took the closest man I had in my life...He took my FATHER! How could a man who was supposed to be SO FULL OF LOVE...take my DAD and leave ME FATHERLESS! HOW could HE call himself a MAN of COURAGE, a MAN OF HONOR and a MAN OF LOVE! HOW DARE HIM...HE HAD NO RIGHT!!! But really it was life...Death is a part of life because of sin...my Godly father never failed me...he helped me to see purpose...he gave me a FATHER of LOVE, of COURAGE, of HONOR and of SO MUCH MORE. He opened the door to let me see how a real man is supposed to be! I thank God that I had my dad for 26 years! I was angry at my dad for leaving me...for leaving us...but I woke up and realized that if I had a choice I would peace out this life and go on to the next! I can't blame him! I was angry at Satan for the obvious!

-July...You saved my life...and my mind! I remember flying right through July... with so much going on...a kids event for church, District Assembly and camp..under my direction. July saved my mind from thinking too much. This was such a great month for me... one reason being that I finally was going to be meeting all of my sister and bro-in-laws kids from the orphanage as they would be at camp. It was so great getting to love on them...and July...brought joy! It was an open door into a little bit of happiness...but that happiness wouldn't last long...

to be continued...I am hungry and on the menu...Taco Bell! =)