It Burns...

I am not one to have New Year Resolutions or should I say... I have them I just don't follow through.

Last year I made a Resolution to join a gym...workout like crazy and lose weight...I was going strong for about 3 months and lost about 15 pounds...all to drop out and well...almost gain it all back. I can't totally remember why I stopped...maybe I got too busy...or bored...or no motivation... whatever the reason...it was an excuse. A couple months after I stopped going to the gym and canceling my membership my father passed away. Just another reason to give up right?...feeling like life couldn't go on...not wanting to do anything for myself but feel sorry. I got down for a while...and I am happy to say that FINALLY almost 9 months later I am on the up. I am going to confess some raw emotions to you of the pain that I have gone through in the last 9 months....starting the month my dad died. I don't share these feeling with you for pity...but so you can see what death does and the process of grieving. Maybe someone out there in the blogger world will read this blog and it will somehow help them in their journey of grief.

-April...a sting...a I got the wind knocked out of me and will never breath again kind of pain. Woke up in the middle of the night...had a nightmare...I was walking down an extremely dark hallway with one little light at the end of it...the light was shining on something so to get a closer look I walked slowly towards it...a casket...that held my father...I started to yell for my mother as she rushed to the side of the bed...holding me and crying. I then realized in just a matter of a couple of hours I would really be seeing my father in a casket. The got the wind knocked out of me feeling happened all over again. I felt as if I was having a mental breakdown. The pain of the month of April...a pain that I wanted to go away...it burned.

Stay tuned for May...It's a blur...